Neutral life..

27 August 2009
I opened my eyes like every morning in the same atmosphere.
Today was a monotone day but it wasn’t like the other days.
May be because today I wake up too late. Yeah! It isn’t that bad to sleep till 9am.
The first thing that my eyes saw was the destroyed walls of my room that we are rebuilding again from the interior side.

At this moment I realized that my life was just similar to my walls. It was looking nice from the outside while her inside parts were in deep need of total changes.

My walls are having a new style now, they are being totally changed but unfortunately, my life is still going the same way.
I don’t know which strange feeling is making me think non stop about the last trip I had.

This trip changed my vision toward many things concerning the third world I am living in, concerning the themes of racism, self confidence, braveness, courage, friendship, taking decisions and going to the top of their consequences.
With an empty heart and a full mind my unique solution is to close my window and stay for the whole of the week at home without meeting people. I guess it is something that shouldn’t surprise looking to the state in which I am.

Admitting our mistakes is the first step to changing, and it is so hard for me to do it. It is as hard as accepting to renovate my walls because of the conviction that my room is just too perfect as it is.

It is just too wired to start a neutral summer after a long active year. The loneliness in which I stick these days drives me mad because of thinking without understanding why does each thing go the way it does?
I am not sure of my choices in life. I am not sure the ones I consider as friends really deserve it.

I am not sure of feeling better if I keep living this way but I am quit convinced that either I am given reasons or choices nothing will change as long as I keep looking for a breath in a cube characterized by its lack of oxygen.