Friday, September 20, 2013
The biggest insane wish of my life was to love and be loved madly. Yet, I don’t know how realistic can wishes be. I also don’t know how probable it is to be loved back or to love back same time. On my list of contacts, not the facebook but the real one, I am mostly surrounded by people who advise what they can never do. I am so fond of them because they don’t stop teaching me good lessons to better behave. I wish if they could make their ethics work from time to time to let it guide them to the right way. Anyway, this is not our subject for today. So once, when I debated this subject with one of them, he told me: relationship is about how much you can bare the other. I don’t think this is what relationship means but this is deeper. This is what might love mean. In my heart, I hold someone and I think each day my love gets purer, bigger, and more respectful and ready for sacrifices. I quite doubt that I am loved back but honestly, the ability to love is a blessing from God and I am so thankful God gave it to me. So first, when you love, you don’t believe it. Then you start running away to see how it feels, then you feel your brain is out of control, then you start asking people around you if they think you look like someone loving. So you continue doing such idiot things for long time, just the way I did, till you realize that you had the answer since the beginning and you just couldn’t see it, too much blinded by the other and ignoring yourself and all what yourself does. Yes, it is about the small details that you forget about. It is about how calm you keep in a moment of fight, and then you forgive quickly. It is when you are mad and not talking to him, but yet you can’t stop taking care of him. It is when it should be whether you or him and you don’t think twice: it is him. It is the small loving note that you leave, or the bar of chocolate you bring to him, as foolish as it seems to be. It is when you know you can’t but for him, you feel you can. It is when your lips can’t say it but your eyes definitely do: I really care for you. It is also when you have to let it go or to simply walk away. It is when your happiness comes in second place. It is when your egoism whispers but love shouts high so that you only do good things. And above all, it is when you can admit with no shame for the good it gives you and the good you offer.