Saturday, January 29, 2011


The weather changed today so many times that I couldn’t really understand in which season I am.
In my city, in 24hours, people change much more than the weather; incredible but true.
I have reached recently, a certain degree of absence of trust that scares my future initiatives.
Since couple of weeks, I am having kind of weird and repetitive schedules: early wake up, quick moves, running everywhere, thinking that my world will miss a lot if I don’t leave my bed and do something for it. I rarely have time for lunch, to share it with someone.
Then I come back after hard moments with the traffic jump and transportation, enter into a re-integration process under my shower. Then I fix my headache with a cup of tea, and something sweet to get my energy back, already in front of my computer, because this world that doesn’t want me, do expect so many things from me.
And life goes on…
I am human, and just like all humans I have dreams that are trying to stand against the realities of life in an unbalanced society.
In the middle of this nowhere, I am quite happy with myself; my fast learning and my courage may be not to overcome what I have been through but to understand that l still can get better things in life.

I thought betrayal was an end, but I discovered that it was the beginning of everything.
I thought life could be related to people’s presence in our lives but it doesn’t. It just takes the road you give to it since the beginning, and it is just up to us to make it right or wrong at each step we have.
I am not sure to what extend is it true to think that mistakes from which we learn are no longer ones but learning is the best proof of smartness .
I don’t want to have a life of regret and I don’t want to inflict it to anyone and this is one of my biggest strength.
As strength that I sincerely hope will make me wake up every day to have this same schedule to give to my world small things with a big heart.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Lack of smile

I form part of this world since 22 years.
From them:
19 years spent without my dad, and still going on
18 years without a home, that I probably can change someday if I get enough money
10 months with the memory of a tragic accident, that left such a huge injury inside of my soul.
A year with a broken heart, that I wish God will make justice for it.
6 months jobless, bad luck for Algerian companies, they just don’t know what they miss.
And yet, I am still alive.
I am alive but I am a different one now.
I have the feeling that I am starting 2011 with no good goals in my personal life.
You will wonder if I am a messy girl who couldn’t make some order to set priorities but I assure you: if you just look at my wardrobe, my books shelf or the files on my computer, you will understand that the matter is something else.
2010 was a real year of sacrifices, and yet I am still thinking of doing more.
I feel like a hero with some of them. I feel like a dumb, brainless, dolt hero.
I feel this way because I know I should have regrets but I loved being someone’s hero so much that I can’t help having this feeling of regret.
I know I am a warrior, but I know also that everything has an expiry date and I am just wondering if troubles are going to be stronger than my doses of positive acting and thinking.
Let us give to time the power to decide

Saturday, January 1, 2011

2010 VS 2011

I can imagine the number of articles you will across these days, talking about the New Year, the new resolutions, the end of a period and the beginning of another one. But what people don’t realize is that they are saying the same thing since their life started to be a little bit more complicated than hard day at the primary school waiting to get home to take a big cup of milk with pancakes.

At the end of each year, I read the same status on my friends’ profiles: “goodbye year X , welcome new year and hope things will be better”
I wonder if all these people know that change can’t be done by the beginning of another series of 12 months but with the motivation to act the way we want others to do.

This year I decided to be one of those people who can’t be total idiots for long, I decided to change my mind.
I decided not to write any resolution and live for couple of months with no basic aim in my personal life.

I decided to keep having my long walks, my loud monologs, my lonely life and above all: the few human kind values that I still have.
2010 ended in my agenda, but it didn’t end in my life.

It didn’t end because all what the humanity has been through is still remaining, and I am sure it will keep raping my memory till something new and permanent comes to occupy my thoughts 24H per day to learn how to get used to live with the moral pain of impurity or till I loose my memory and this case will be a little bit complicated because you will need to remind me who I am, something that no one can do.

I had to understand that not all those who supported me someday, do really respect me, and those who don’t respect others, they don’t respect themselves in real.
I don’t know what God is preparing for me but I am quite convinced that something completely unexpected is going to happen to me soon.
I am just so excited for it, to be able finally to prove that everything happens for a reason.

In this new year, I thank God for making me one of his servants and for being there to make things work the “right” way.