Thursday, July 29, 2010


I have spent long years of childhood and teenage listening to men talking about women
Women are complicated; women don’t know what they want in life, women are weak, women are complicated, and women are hard to understand but if they took just one second of observation to gaze at themselves, judging it instead of judging others, they would have noticed that they deal with a worse life style.
In 22 years of life on this miserable planet called Earth, I have met billion of men. Each one was totally different from the other with his hair or skin color, his diplomas or affinities in life but they got all the same common way of thinking that is situated unfortunately at centuries of lateness on the scale of civilization.
I ended up realizing that men are the last creatures of God that I will understand. It was even the first time for me to give up my efforts of understanding them.
I am even quite convinced that the few women putting the rings find it impossible to understand the one sharing their daily life.
With men:
If you express your opinion then you are trying to take the controle
If you don’t, then you are a creature without personality
If you are too sincere then you are weak, if you aren’t then you have never been educated.
If you love then you are too stupid, if you don’t, you are a player
If you kiss then you are too easy to get, if you don’t: you are playing the hard one and it doesn’t really suit him.
When you tell about a secret to others: you are an idiot who doesn’t know what does privacy mean, when he does: he is just too tired and needs to talk about it with his friends.
He will spend years begging for your love, and if you show interests in him, he is no longer interested and this is the thing that I would never understand.
However, if you don’t, then be sure he will die for you… and you are telling me you aren’t complicated!!
If he cheats on you then he is a man, if you do then you deserve that he cheats on you…
If you don’t forgive him, then you are a woman without heart, but when he does the same, it is just his dignity and you have to accept it…
I still have billion of examples of this incredible behavior that my eyes got real tired of seeing in each corner of the planet and I am really sorry to realize that this is the reality of men.
I bet that the first principal of Sida prevention is the best way to reach a better level of happiness amongst these creatures: to forbear 

Saturday, July 24, 2010

My trip to Oran

After a long walk in the fresh morning of Saturday, I sat in front of my computer to get back to my talks with my best friend: my blog.
I am having a period of reintegration to my life in the capital. As you all probably know, I was in Oran, a city in the west of Algeria to work with a program of AIDS Algeria.
We spent about 10days working along the beaches of Oran, getting in touch with families, and young people there, explaining them more about this sickness and how to prevent it.
I had what we c all a real experience…
I remember that I was hesitating between going to it or attending the conference of Seliger and I have just realized that I wouldn’t learn in Russia what I have learnt in Oran in couple of days.
I know what does the word experience mean now…believe me, I do…
I experienced so many kinds of feelings and I just feel that I am no longer the same one…
I challenged myself and even if I didn’t live a complete success, I came back happy with what I learnt.
I had to defeat my shy character, to go toward people, talk to them with no shame.
I had high doses of adrenaline when I went to the closed houses, I met prostitutes, I talked to them, I entered to their rooms, I even met their clients and Listened to their stories. It was such a big social shock that I handled with some tears for the rest of the day.
I met people, people who think, act, behave and do everything differently. These people couldn’t make any change in my personality but they made a change in my life… they gave me small lessons from which I gained big knowledge.
And I am glad to know that I have been and I will always be a good person. A person who can simply look at herself when she wakes up in the morning and this is the best feeling ever.
I am quite convinced that this trip will be a memory in few time, as soon as the next one will come but for now, I would love to thank all people who shared me this great experience.
I am thankful to everyone who contributed to my knowledge.
From the deepest of my heart, I miss all of you 

Monday, July 5, 2010

Enough..................By Zahra.B

A week had gone after my graduation. My undergraduate studies ended and the way to the master seems to be long and hard if not impossible. This is not a feeling… This is reality!
I am spending this kind of days that gives a superficial sensation of joy. I don’t like what I am in… I really do not…
I am back to this mood of silence, analyses and melancholy that the events of the year 2010 inflected to me. In the middle of nowhere, everything seems to be so close and so far at the same time.
I wish if I could describe you my sensation when I am unable to react against injustice or when I look into people’s eyes, the ones I know they wouldn’t talk to me if not for benefit or into the eyes of these that they got in their daily and casual life part of my wishes.
I look, I gaze sometimes, I smile without really smiling to convince myself that things are going to be alright… But deep inside me, I want to tell to the world that I got enough from it, that what I need is not changes but to get my spirit into a relieved situation where the human being insanity doesn’t exist in excess.
One of my closest friends described me as a person with a lack of self confidence and I don’t think he was wrong.
I just realized that the more I trust myself and give my best like a warrior, the less I get at the end, and the hardest the deceptions will be.
I have seen people around me changing, and I thought I wouldn’t change. I thought I will always be the same. I thought my convictions would face everything. I thought also that challenges were about being the best even if you don’t achieve what you really want. But in reality, I have never known myself.
I thought for long time to realize at the end, that my thoughts were all wrong, that you can’t make of this world what you want as long as it makes of you what it wants.
I realized that you have to deal with injustice if you are not enough strong to make justice.
I realized that purity is not about how appreciated you are but about how far you can go for people you appreciate.
And the biggest and, surely, most important thing I realized is that: no matter what you do during the long or short years of your life, putting yourself in victory or in shitty situations, your end and the one of these that you consider as better or worse than you, are going to be the same. The only difference would be how strong you believe that what you have done was right, true, and sincere.
I thank all of you for reading!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

To love vs To love

I still remember the afternoon of that sunny day when I was sitting with my friend “Bediang” talking about the true meaning of love.
What I remember most is this question that I have recently answered: can we love someone more than loving ourselves?
To come to an answer, I had to sit with myself and think of all people that I pretend being in love with. My mom, my relatives, my friends…
I thought for long time to realize that we all pretend to be what we aren’t.
Egoism is a feeling that we all live with. I don’t know in which situation you would use it but you do for sure, in one of these where you think that you are a true lover.
I give some examples:
If you have a piece of chocolate and someone asks u to give it to him and you refuse, then this is ego
If you give half of it to him, it is ego too.
If you give it all, then you love him more than loving your self
If you love someone then you discover that he loves someone else and you do your best to keep him beside you then this is ego.
If you let him go, then you do love him.
If you make of your parents a machine that distributes money, then this is ego
If you collect each centime to surprise them with, then you are a true lover.
I consider true love as something that we can meet few times in a life time. There for, each one should count well his steps before involving himself in any kind of confidence about his love feelings.
There are many ways of loving, and not all of them are good. So if you try to love to control or to want everything good for yourself then you are for sure exploding the entire situation that you put yourself in.
The human being egoism will always dare in the way of purity that you spend half of your life looking for , and the other half destroying it inside other people’s hearts.
I am not sure of adopting the right way to love people around me who I consider as the sun brightening my days but I am quite convinced that my ego is far away from all what I do to draw a smile, even a small one, on their lips

Thank you for reading!

Saturday, July 3, 2010


I spent long time trying to understand how does the human being system that provides feelings work.
I read books, I took classes of psychology, I observed people’s behavior, and I have done so many incredible things that you wouldn’t believe.
Unfortunately, it seems that my small humble brain and my simple life style will never came to an end with these learning steps. I have decided years ago to be a person who doesn’t complicate what God created and set as pure and true things.
I have never been forced to achieve anything and that’s why I consider that feelings are not something that we can prevent, plan for or control in a powerful side.
I discussed my thesis few days ago and my subject was about quality management.
It was more than a topic; I really lived it deeply and strongly. I think that I love what I do enough to do it in a perfect way.
From this point, a small sweet idea came to mind which was to make everything according to the color of my dress. My coworker had a tie with the same color as well and I really loved this harmony.
But what I didn’t expect was to realize that many people criticized my well done job; people who I considered as good mates; people who simply reached the achievement of the needs of accomplishment that I have talked about in my previous article.
I am sure of being a jealous person. I always love to protect my loved ones, and have them beside me in a moderate way. I met people who had all what I dreamed about but my feeling toward them was admiration. I think that jealousy is wrongly defined in our minds.
I consider it as the best way to get more motivation to work harder. It is also what makes other people realize how much you care about them.
I wish if people could take few minutes of their time to analyze this feeling as any other one, to tell themselves that all what God created inside the human being heart can be used positively and efficiently without harming people or causing any annoying thing to them.
At the end, jealousy that other people feel toward me has never hurt me anyhow
If it is a bad one, it gives me more power and if it is good, it adds happiness and confidence to my life.
I bet many people need to get over their small and limited geographical mind attitude to understand the real meaning of words and the pure sense of having an opportunity to be a human being on this land full of diversity and beauty, called: EARTH.
I thank all of you for reading

Friday, July 2, 2010

I have a feeling (5)

The morning of the 2nd day of July started with a melancholic weather that has some bad effects on my broken mood that is already suffering with my bad health.
Unable to leave my house, since the graduation day, my unexplained sickness drives me mad.
I feel so weak and my only hope is that this actual state doesn’t break my plans of travelling to Oran next weekend.
My graduation day was absolutely fantastic; everything was perfect, even though the director, president of the jury, was trying to contradict me all the time.
I ended up with 16/20 that I believe I strongly deserve because I worked alone and succeeded in doing more than what all the other students have done.
As I expected that day to be, the only person who represented my family was my mom..
I am really thankful to all my friends who came to support me, the ones who helped me like if they were real brother and sisters.
Curiously, I wasn’t that sad because my dad didn’t answer to my invitation and didn’t show up … I just think that I start to accept that my family won’t get larger than this and I have to do with this fact. Living alone isn’t easy, especially when you realize that you can’t or you don’t have the right to count on others with excess.
I wake up this morning with kind of strange feelings of sadness that I really don’t know where they come from.
I am again in the middle of nowhere, I have to take decisions, to do something with my life now and to do it quickly because days are running and wasting time has never been my hobby.
I have to set strategies and make sure they work, and this is the difficulty.
When I look at my wishes, they seem so sweet, so nice, so pure and so easy to achieve on any other land except that one. My priorities are few and my abilities are fewer. But still, judgment screws people’s lives and mine as well.
My mom has always reproached me the fact that I compare my life to other people’s ones.
I think that she was wrong, because this is the only way to measure my performance. It is when you evaluate what you reach comparing to what other has reached that you can decide if you are a winner or a loser.
She has always explained me that I need to dream according to what I got in my pockets as long as it is the only way to be sure of having the right dreams.
I am still fighting to get what Maslow calls first needs and it really busts the challenging, and true person I am.
Fulfillment for me now is based on three main desires that I sincerely hope to reach in the coming five years.
I might do it as I might not, but I am quite sure of something. If I succeed then it will be because my mind did it, with some motivation of my feelings and not because I have people standing behind me supporting me with superficial stuffs that most of girls at my age consider as “nerves of life” .
I thank all of you for reading