Sunday, November 30, 2008

parejas: entre costumbres, mentalidad, y cambios de época

Formando parte de ese mundo, las personas no pueden vivir otro que en sociedad.
Eso se ve en los diferentes tipos de relaciones que se pueden crear entre dos personas:

Amistad, fraternidad, y dejo lo mas importante para tratarlo mas adelante: la combinación= el matrimonio
En realidad, el matrimonio que sea legal o solamente unión de dos personas para formar una pareja, representa la parte mas importante de la vida de los humanos


En concreto : Desde la creación de Sayidona “Adam” (Alih salam) eso se nota, aunque tenia una vida esplendida en el paraíso, se sentía muy soltero y su soledad desapareció con la llegada de Sayidatouna Hawa, la mujer con quien pasó el resto de su vida.

Y es así, desde ese día, la gente pase gran parte de su tiempo- para no decir toda su vida_ buscando a la pareja con quien podría seguir pasando sus días ese con amor y alegría.
La unión de dos personas se hace teniendo en cuenta varios motivos.

En el mundo árabe-musulmán, “lo que yo conozco” no existe otra unión que la del matrimonio.
En tiempo de nuestros abuelos, la unión se hacía con el acuerdo de los padres solamente
Así, la mujer como el hombre, no se verían hasta el día de la boda.
Por consiguiente, La pregunta es: ¿cual es el principio de esa boda?
¿Qué va a acercar dos personas que aún no se conocen?

La respuesta es muy clara y absurda:
En unos tiempos de guerra, de pobreza y de falta de conocimiento y estudios, no existía algo más importante que el matrimonio en la vida de la gente.
El objetivo era: tener una familia, y cuando se hablaba de familia se trataba mucho más del tema de tener hijos, sin darle importancia a la mujer. Lo que importaba era que fuera joven, soltera y sobre todo virgen.

Ese tipo de boda, al contrario de lo que piense el mundo occidental, no tiene nada que ver con la religión sino mas bien con los costumbres
Efectivamente, si volvemos a la religión, exactamente al tiempo del profeto Mohammed “salato lah wasalamouhou 3alayh” , notamos en sus matrimonios la tolerancia, y la relación humana llena de amor

Su primera mujer era Khadija, mayor que el de 25 años
su tercera mujer Hafsa era divorciada. Lo que significa que había tenido un hombre en su vida antes y que también no era virgen.


Y mas precioso que todo eso: su unión con sayidatouna omo habiba ( la madre de habiba) que ella no era solamente viuda pero también madre de una pequeña niña. O sea que había tenido un primer matrimonio

Pero con el cambio de los tiempos, con las nuevas tecnologías (internet, televisión) y también el nivel de estudios elevado de la gente ha permitido un gran cambio de la situación.
Actualmente, la gente entiende más la importancia de conocer la pareja, amarle, aceptarle como es, y sobre todo, construir todo con ella

Exactamente en eso punto, podemos hablar del cambio de la mentalidad, donde la mujer al igual que el hombre tiene el derecho de elegir su pareja según sus gustos.
Entonces, el hombre no tiene solo el papel de la persona que solo compra lo que necesita la familia y
Tampoco la mujer es la persona que solo cocina, limpia y cuida a los niños.
Relaciones más humanas que esas se instalan: el amor, la complicidad, la ayuda, y sobre todo el total acuerdo.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

The school of life..3

From all the things I saw in this world, there is one I could never understand: LIE
First, what is a lie?
Is it opposite to the truth, and it implicates opposition to the honesty?
Is it changing some thing in the truth?
Is it hiding it?
Or is it simply inventing a new story in total difference with what is supposed to be said?


Wikipedia define it as opposition to agreement with fact and good faith.


But as known, people divide lie into 2 types:
A black evil one: to cheat, hurt, annoy others
A white one: to hide the truth in order to avoid problems or to arrange between people


I myself would like to add another type:
The lies said because the one saying them is convinced that they are true.

I have met last year a girl, saying all the time that she speaks Russian.
Of course, she doesn’t and we all know, but she keeps insisting in it and has a convincing face while she says it
Simply, because deep inside her, she believes: she speaks it

Another case, few days ago I have been contacted by a friend of a friend.
The girl contacting me was pretending that she was dating my friend (the guy)
People would think, this is a black lie to annoy me, but it wasn’t. she was convincing!!
I could after analyzing the situation that she deeply believes that they are together.
In this case, a psychiatric treatment would help the patient to feel better


But when it comes to the black lie, I don’t really find any reason to forgive
It happened to me to face this kind of lies
And I had two kinds of reactions.

First, while listening to this lie, the person telling it was enough intelligent to read in my eyes that I was not believing what she/he was saying, even though, I face it with the same cold smile ( :) ) and pretend (with a white lie) that I believe him/her.

In the second case, the person was enough blond, to keep telling mean less things without knowing that I was getting bored, listening to her/him.

I would love to give, in talking about lies 2kinds of classification totally different from what I said before:


Affecting and not affecting:


It happens to me to meet people, truly love them, care for them and simply because an affecting lie
I put them out of mind.
And as well, to love them same way even though they lie, just because it is not an affecting lie.


Lets suppose your best friend always pretends being 30 , and you know well he isn’t –because you searched and discovered he was older or younger- does it affect you?
No, it doesn’t, and it doesn’t affect any side of your friendship just because it is a detail that you don’t care about

You business is more, the feelings if they are true or not, and even if you discover that X wasn’t his name and he is called Y, it won’t matter you.


However, an affecting lie is all what gets into deep aspects and not small details:
I give an example: if someone tells you that you he loves your green eyes, while you know he is lying –because yours are blue- this is an affecting one.


It may be strange but, I have never felt like telling lies to get something, to change it or force it.
That’s why, today on my safe high side, I still wonder

Why someone who is poor pretends being rich in front of others by telling lies?
Why do girls lie to get someone’s heart?
Why do political personalities lie to get the population acceptance?
why do nowadays youth lies pretending to be like european just to get their simpathy?
Why do people simply change the truth that –may be- could have helped them more in getting what they badly wanted?

My questions still all ending with a question mark. Till I get a reply from some liars, I would simply enjoy the feeling of freedom given by the truth when it is always said, whatever we would lose or gain.


thanks for reading.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

the school of life..2

Day by day, the greatest school of all times teaches us billion of new things, gives exercises, and make us take exams

As long as I have been observing it, I understood that the best students, who pass, are the ones who learn the lesson from the first time and learn it well.

I also realized that if you don’t take the lesson, you will never learn.
In one of my courses of philosophy, I learnt that there was no total freedom to do, act, think, and live as we want.

There is always a strong force inside everyone of us that make us, behave the way it wants
Of course, by these words, I don’t talk about religion, as well I don’t mean customs
I talk about the force of feelings. Something that we all live with, no matter who we are, where we come from,and what we beleive in

I know, few are the ones who expected it to be my argument.
I would love, in order to convince you, to ask some questions.
Could you oblige your heart even once, to hate someone that you truly love?
Could you force it to love or to stop loving when it is doing so?
Could you simply be able to ignore something you feel?

Of course, no. Even if you try hard to hide, escape or pretend that you are that one who you aren’t
Feelings have always been the commander
And controlling doesn’t mean not feeling
So we all live under the same sky

This lesson wasn’t a new one for me. But what I usually ask myself about is:
Do I need to express what I feel, whatever it is?
If no, then what should I express and what should I keep for myself?
And if I should keep it, then why do all people say that if you never try, you will never know.
And if I tell, then what guaranties that I will not hurt, break, or lose someone?
It comes to understand where my freedom stops, and not when it starts.
Is it true that-in feelings- as in any other situation, it stops when people's freedom starts?

Does it mean that I can't express what I want, just because the freedom of others to refuse to listen starts?


The problem of freedom percentage stills a big subject to argue and debate about.
But, till it comes to a final agreement, the only freedom in feelings is the feeling itself.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

The school of life...1

In the last 20 years, I have been through many experiences
Each one of them taught me a lot about life and how I should deal with it.

Before, I used to think that the world was limited to the piece of land I am living in.
With time, Irealized that it was much bigger.

It used to seem to me that once you fail, it simply means that you aren't made to win. But I realize now that it is through failing that we learn more, give more and succeed better.

When I lost my dad, I thought I have lost the only man in my life.
Later...I understood that there was something called love, in which another man would give me as much as my dad would do.

I may laugh at myself after few years reading again these lines
Because, I'd be going through others experiences that will give me more knowledge.

Few months ago,I lost my best friend.. I thought our friendship would have gone forever but it didn't
I thought I wouldn't deal with this loose... but I did...
I thought it would make me stop trusting but it didn't.

It looks strange...But day by day, we realize that somethings which we used to deeply care about , are small ones in our lives as we grow up and start to worry about vital things.

I think this is getting mature.
It comes to say that at a certain time, you stop making a big story of meanless subjects
Just because it is this way that things have to go,
Changing them is the best, trying to improve them is good, accepting them as they are, isn't that bad
And most of the time, when you involve yourself in the first two one, you may simply destroy what you wanted to keep as a base
That's why, dealing with comes to be the last solution because it's all about Fate

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Trust..

After writing my article about trust, I found a comment from my friend Phil about it ,which was more interesting than my post itself.

In his comment, he told me that turst is what allows us to know poeple, to make friends
Thinking of what he said, I found that he was right.
But back to my thoughts, I don't find it that easy to be trusting to get -may be- hurt after that.

It happens sometimes that we trust some poeple more than what we should.
may be it is because of love, of kindness, or simply because it is our nature

We may also be giving more than what the person deserves no matter in which kind of relationship.
I would be telling you billion of stories of friendship that went with the wind, as well as other of love.

And I put point here and ask: Can we really hate someone after loving him deeply just because he betrayed us?
In other ways, I'd be asking: After how many dishonest actions, can we hate someone?

and If someone went and comes back, will things stay the same just because we_one day_ did love him?
Poeple reading this may think that I am trying to reproduce my own experiences in writing, but it is not true.
I would simply love to show that the human relationships are like glass, like a mirror if u want
once broken, yea you can glue it but it will no longer looks as it was before.

I guess, we all trust as my friend Phil said, even if we don't want it, it will come by itself
but we do also all hate or simply ignore, when we hardly feel that our trust is respected.

that's why I've always said that the esperience doesnt give any fear. No matter how long you take to go over it, for sure you'll reach a certain degree that allows you to forget.

so again, I'd say: don't be afraid of living what your heart trusts,
never forget that if you exist with this sincerity then there are sure others who exist with the same values just made to be ur friend, ur brothers, ur loved ones or just a sweet part of your daily life.



Special thanks for Phil

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Trust.

It may look crazy that always when I open my blog to write, I find myself posting a new thing that is again and again, in deep relationship with human relations, and trust.

During the last few weeks- in order not to say months- I thought a lot about TRUST
I was wondering how can this feeling born and how can we share it?
I still look for the way we use to be able to beleive people.
But same time, I would like to ask a question: how comes that sometimes we feel like trusting people but in some occasions we doubt what they say?

Is that due to the lake of trust?
Is that due to what we have faced and experienced before?
or is it simply everyone's manner to stay on the safe side?

and when I evoke trust, I think as well about lie.
I wonder why do people lie?
and If starting by the point that they talk about personal freedom and right to do whatever they want, then why not saying the truth?
I may think of many replies to my question:
it may be that they don't really live any freedom, otherwise, they would do anything they want and be proud of it.
It may be also because of a kind of sickness which symptoms are in telling wrong things and getting a kind of happiness with that
or it may be simply the third and for sure the best reply following my opinion: they simply try to pretend being what they aren't and want the others -that they try to show they ignore- that they are perfect.
It comes here to a psychological trouble: because you try hard to prove to someone that you don't care about his opinion while you do
yes you do because you tell him/her lies in order to hide the real one you are
what's more, you tell lies to be the one you aren't who this person "X" is looking for or just would love .

In the same subject, another idea comes to my mind.
Once you deeply trust someone and never doubt about him,is it possible to lose this trust one day?
If he betrays you or simply goes with no reason, will you be able to trust him again if he comes back?

I've lived that experience few time ago, and I can say that what is 100 per 100 trusted will stay same forever.

It may hurt, disappoint or even make us fed up that our trusted ones go
But the first occasion we get to bring them back will be caught.

Of course, once they are back, nothing will be the same, but trust will
The only yhing that can be affecting you is the fact that they had gone.
but what was sincere and well built, will never change

That's for me: true trust...



thanks for reading

la tv

La televisión, tecnología de los efectos negativos:


La televisión aunque sea una tecnología de la información, tiene muchos aspectos de peligro
A continuación voy a tratar la importancia de elegir los programas de tv de un lado, y sus efectos siguiendo como ejemplo la comparación entre Argelia y España de otro lado.
Para empezar, noté que hay un abuso parecido en lo que se refiere al tiempo que pase la gente mirando la televisión.


Es decir que aquí, en Argelia, como en España, creo que los niños consagran gran parte del día a la televisión y a los programas de acción, así que es cierto que aprenden todo sobre la violencia, el crimen, la tortura, también sobre el robo y la consumación de drogas.


En el fundo, dudo que el comportamiento sea diferente, así mismo, considero que los conflictos que tienen los dos países con la delincuencia por culpa de la televisión son parecidos.
A pesar de que hay en la televisión limitación de edad para cada programa que vemos, la gente no respecta eso, por ello, me parece normal que tengamos todos tipos de deterioro en la educación de los jóvenes.

En realidad, un niño que ve la televisión solo, no sabe elegir el tipo de programas destinado para él.
O sea, va a ver todo lo que encuentra sin dar importancia a lo que puede y lo que no puede seguir.
Entonces, es verdad que todo lo que encontramos por la calle de mal comportamiento es consecuencia a lo que se ve por la televisión.



Otro punto muy importante es que ahora los dibujos animados representan un estilo de violencia
Por lo tanto, la opinión adulta no tendrá ningún efecto. Ya que todos sabemos que los dibujos son para niños, no pensaremos a controlarlos. Sin embargo, son los más peligrosos.
Así que me parece una tontería que hablemos de control y aviso, si lo que se produce no respecta la edad del receptor



Por el contrario de lo que hay en España, los argelinos dan mucho tiempo a los juegos como el futbol; asi que podemos hablar de menos efectos negativos de la televisión sobre los niños.
Además, como la cultura del país es árabe musulmana, los niños no tienen libertad total para ver todo lo que quieren como pasa en los países o occidentales abiertos.


En definitiva, me parece primordial que haya control de los padres de lo que sus hijos ven por la tele en primer lugar


Y en segundo lugar, considero vital que haya estudios de lo que se produce antes de presentarlo al público.

Para concluir, la televisión aunque tenga efectos negativos, es un medio de descubrimiento y de aprendizaje que solo necesita un uso inteligente