Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Silent words.

Feelings of the heart.
Days are going and I still not feeling ready to stand up again.
It seems that the last events affected me more than what I have expected them to do.
2009 was this for me:
The accident of my uncle that left him half blinded.
The sickness of my grand father who is now unable to do anything alone.
My trip to France that turned to be a total disaster for my career.
The death of some of my relatives.
It was also: discovering the real face of my “best” friends.
It was: learning to live alone and to do every single thing by myself.
It was: discovering my limits, my capacities, my weaknesses, my wishes, the only person on this planet really loving me and caring for me.
It was also realizing that we can’t get from life all what except.
It was knowing that the decisions aren’t always mines, but when they are I have to take them and go to the end of my choices.
The first love is a total fake in our existence. It’s like a covered sky. You never know what is waiting for you on its other side but that you continue flying above it till you see with your own eyes that the best thing to do is to go back from where you have come.
Unfortunately, flog is always so heavy that covers the brightened way you draw with your feelings at the beginning of the battle.

2009 was also:
The intermediate certificate of Spanish.
My success at college.
My meeting with the great Indian lady who received me in Paris.
Getting closer to my mother.
Changing my hair cut.. HEHEHE. I don’t know if it counts.

Everything in life comes and goes. Happiness exists as long as you live it. What you can’t bring to yourself, no one will bring it to you.
No matter how successful is your life, there is always a fail somewhere which isn’t made to destroy your career but to remind you that you have always to work harder.
Love has no rules, be sure that as much as you love and care for someone, there is for sure someone else somewhere in this world who truly loves you and deserves your feelings.
Experiences are quit hard to forget, sometimes even impossible to erase but time is always here to cure all your pains. The only enigma is how long will it take?
Freedom, following the philosophy, isn’t total. There are always some elements above your powers to stand against you; no matter how hard you try. Destiny is one of them.

If you commit a mistake and you can’t correct it, then just don’t spend your life regretting it.
It has no sense.
I sincerely hope that the coming year will bring more beautiful things to my life and to everyone’s life all over the world.

Thank you for reading.

Number one..

I believe that there is one universe created by one God who is Allah. It has one moon, one sun and one solar system in which one planet human beings can live on.
We people have one father and one mother; we have one life on this planet. We have one mind, one mouth and one heart all in one body.
True love comes once in a life time. We all love to be the number one.
We also love to succeed from the first attempt.
We all dream and hope and when we fail we learn from the first mistake.
We will all die once and till death knock our doors, we curry on our daily tasks divided into two groups: the ones who dream and the ones who get what the others dream of.

We love billion of people who get inside and out of our lives leaving or taking their marks with them but there is only one who is planted deep in it forever: the first love.
Number one: this number that changed my vision to things around me.

Sometimes it draws a hope and in others it takes my smile. Between the happy and hard moments I remember my first steps, my first words with my dad, my first smile with my shining eyes, my first challenge, my first success, my first best friend that I am back to meet these days, the first beating of my heart, the first deceptions, the first time a teacher slapped me, the first time I cried for someone, the first time I had a tea talk, and first times are too numerous.

I don’t know what will tomorrow bring for me, I don’t know if I will be doing something new for the first time but I am quit convinced that each smile is made with our efforts, and new things come within work and beliefs.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Palabras de mi corazón

Sentimientos del corazón.
Estoy de vuelta a escribir en español. No lo estoy haciendo para practicar el idioma.
Tampoco es para tener seguidores Espano- hablantes.
Hoy escribo en español para poder contar lo que siento, para poder expresar una mezcla de sentimientos, de pensamientos y de miedo que no quiero que haya mucha gente que vaya comentando excepto los más cercanos que entienden con el alma lo que mis dedos con errores de gramática ponen sobre esta hoja.

Todo empezó con mi viaje a Francia. Al principio no quería viajar porque estaba pensando en pasar algunos días en Estambul con alguien que echo tan de menos.

En fin, me dieron el visado. Así que fui allí para pasar dos meses de práctica en el sector de hostelería.
Mala suerte la mía, entre racismo, condiciones de vida deplorables, suciedad, falta de respeto y tipos de actividades que no tienen nada que ver con mi trabajo como limpiar, fregar platos, cuidar a niños me corazón empezó a llenarse de todos tipos de ideas de depresión.

Intenté con toda mi fuerza quedarme más allí, pero el estado en el que estaba no me permitió hacerlo, estaba llorando días y noches y empecé a echar de menos mi madre.
Del sur de Francia viajé hacia el norte donde me quedé una semana más antes de tomar el primer avión para volver a argel después de unos gastos fenomenales.

De vuelta a argel, los comentarios allí me estaban esperando explicándome que causé muchísimo daño a mi madre con este viaje.
Además del estado de ánimo en el que estaba, ninguna empresa aceptó dejarme hacer una practica para poder llenar mi cuaderno. Este último evento fue lo que más me puso en la mezcla de sentimientos negativos.

Esperaba irme a Estambul y poder pasar todo el verano en sus brazos.
Me resulta difícil admitirlo. Me resulta difícil admitir, mientras mis lágrimas dibujan ríos que van de mis mejillas tocando el sol al lado de mi ordenador, que este hombre es lo que más deseo en la vida.

Este mismo hombre es el único sobre esta tierra que no podré tener en mi vida.

El viaje que esperaba tomar como vacaciones para mi corazón me hizo pensar y acordarme más de él y como dice la canción “ no pensé que ere amor y lo dejaba correr” y ahora que es amor, sé que no puedo salir de esta situación.

Algunas de mis decepciones en la vida me hicieron tirar la toalla y algunos de mis éxitos me hicieron perder el sentido de la confianza en los demás.
Entre los dos, la culpa nunca ha sido la mía.
Hoy estoy de vuelta, pasando mis días entre los cinco muros destruidos de mi habitación, sin práctica, sin mi amor, y sin gente que me entiende como soy.
Estos son los sentimientos de un corazón callado viviendo una etapa de vacio que me hace pensar de nuevo en el por qué de mi existencia.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

How much do you love me? (4)

Some roses, a piece of cake … mom put your Hayek and let’s go to ask
For the hand of the girl that never goes out from her house.
The door opened, her mom was there waiting with a large smile.

She is finally going to have a peaceful life after accepting to give the hand of her daughter because as Arabs say: worries about girls are till death.
She kept the windows opened so that the neighbors know that her daughter is putting the ring today.

In the living room, the father is waiting there. Tables full of all sort of sweets are put.
They all sit together and start the courtesy that doesn’t come from the heart.
The same meaningless questions are being asked and many elements are added to the answer.

It is obvious she had to do that to put all the chances from her daughter’s side.
Does she wear a scarf?
Yea of course, an extremist one and she never go out without me.
Does she cook?
Of course and I taught her everything about all the traditional meals of our country.
My daughter, with thanks to God, has every finger with a different activity that she can do perfectly.
Can we see her?
Of course, Daughter come and bring the coffee.

In an elegant house dress, walking slowly and carefully looking at the floor and using an excess of make up to maker her cheeks red, she enters and propose the coffee to all of them.
Her mom with an ironic voice tells her: don’t be that shy! They are your new family starting by now, while his mother will just make a quick perfect scan from the face to the feet.
She finishes with a common sentence: God bless you! I was feeling confident about my choice.

Remember well this sentence because some weeks after the weeding, she will just start to take her from her long beautiful hair for silly reasons such as cleaning, putting the table, watching tv, or not washing the clothes till the end of the week.

In her mind: he has money, no matter how old, what profession he has, or what are his plans for the future, I will marry him, so that everyone knows that I am nice and superb and they are asking for my hand. And… as my mom says: a man is a man, nothing can affect him, but for us “girls” at a certain age, it is just too late to think of it.

In his mind: I dated a lot, from girls I am just fed up. She is young and good cook, she didn’t go to college. This is just too good, as Arabs say: the cat still have closed eyes.

The main discussion starts and both have to fix what they want.
Her mother: a house for my daughter alone.
His mother: she doesn’t work and stays home, money doesn’t matter as long as she will be a good house wife and a perfect mother.
Shaking the hands is the next step after reading “the Fatiha” to make of them religiously: wife and husband.

The phone numbers are exchanged to know days, weeks, or months before getting married, who is this person that we by hazard decided to build our life with
And that’s how they getting married…….

Finally, I wouldn’t tire myself looking for a reason to make the Arabs stop asking just for the hand and start to ask for the body as a whole with the mind, the fingers and the soul.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Neutral life..

27 August 2009
I opened my eyes like every morning in the same atmosphere.
Today was a monotone day but it wasn’t like the other days.
May be because today I wake up too late. Yeah! It isn’t that bad to sleep till 9am.
The first thing that my eyes saw was the destroyed walls of my room that we are rebuilding again from the interior side.

At this moment I realized that my life was just similar to my walls. It was looking nice from the outside while her inside parts were in deep need of total changes.

My walls are having a new style now, they are being totally changed but unfortunately, my life is still going the same way.
I don’t know which strange feeling is making me think non stop about the last trip I had.

This trip changed my vision toward many things concerning the third world I am living in, concerning the themes of racism, self confidence, braveness, courage, friendship, taking decisions and going to the top of their consequences.
With an empty heart and a full mind my unique solution is to close my window and stay for the whole of the week at home without meeting people. I guess it is something that shouldn’t surprise looking to the state in which I am.

Admitting our mistakes is the first step to changing, and it is so hard for me to do it. It is as hard as accepting to renovate my walls because of the conviction that my room is just too perfect as it is.

It is just too wired to start a neutral summer after a long active year. The loneliness in which I stick these days drives me mad because of thinking without understanding why does each thing go the way it does?
I am not sure of my choices in life. I am not sure the ones I consider as friends really deserve it.

I am not sure of feeling better if I keep living this way but I am quit convinced that either I am given reasons or choices nothing will change as long as I keep looking for a breath in a cube characterized by its lack of oxygen.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Apple C...(1)

Midnight, after a long day at his same boring office with the same simple faces, he is back home.
A cup of coffee, a cigarette, he puts the power, windows is charging.
Three w I want to meet what I couldn’t find in my office, my city, in the metro, in restaurants, with friends, in every single peace of land I went to. com
His cup of coffee obliges him to sit in front of his desk…

Midnight, she enters her room. The day was long. She had to run everywhere for business and house stuffs.
She takes her laptop to her bed; she is having a cup of hot chocolate or an ice cream.
Three w I want to meet what I couldn’t find in my office, my city, in the metro, in parties when I go with friends, in every single peace of land I went to. com

Tick tack, tick tack………… seconds, minutes, hours, days and weeks the same life and the same evenings in both sides.
Midnight, three w you got a message from what you are looking for.
Do you want to open this window: Yes? or No?
So let us try. The same questions: hello, how are you?, how old?, where from?, what do you do in life?
It takes both of them again to Taylor’s time, but these are the formalities to enter this protected castle.
Tick tack, tick tack……, minutes, hours, days and weeks, life isn’t the same but windows is.
Is it midnight? He asks his friends while sitting all in a restaurant.
I should go. I have an important thing to do.
Analyzing, thinking, remembering an image, a voice, typed words, an e-person.
His final decision is to buy a ticket.
Airport of Ataturk, midnight, the same time, the same people, but windows today won’t be chagrining.
The e_love has become true…

Few days ago, I was watching tv while taking my breakfast. There was a program on a gulf cannel in which people call to give their opinion about marriage through the net.

I was quit surprised to hear that most of them were refusing categorically this idea but admit that they all enter chat clubs.
Day by day, my preferences go more for foreigners and I think that I don’t admire them only for their honesty, sincerity, true friendship, care and help but also for their pure hearts who treat a human being as a noble creature even if he is at the other part of the universe.

Ernesto, Horia, Souad, Mohamed, Ossama, Brian and many others are friends of mine in real life.
They all got one common point: they met their partner through the net.
They are all married today.
They are all happy.
They all assure that if they go back in time, they would choose the same person.

Technology has made of this world a small peace of land. Today there is no place that you can’t reach in 24H
So an E_meeting, a coffee shop one, or a traditional one are all meetings as long as you will finish by fixing some feelings toward the situation anyhow.
In the second part of this article, I’ll be giving the arab version concerning this subject.
For now, with the smile that comes to me remembering my friends, I wish them and wish to all people who truly believe in their causes just like them all the happiness on this planet.

Because life is short, love is precious and hard to find but ways are available, I sincerely hope that each one of us doesn’t loose all his chances to be happy for stubborn ideas.

Friday, August 21, 2009

How much do you love me? (3)

You are blond, your eyes are green, blue or grey, you are less than 22 and wear a modern scarf to pretend being what you are not, then no matter how empty is your mind you are the right one.

You have your own villa with a swimming pool; the last car made by a famous company, your mother doesn’t live with you then no matter how ugly, old, and miserable you are.. just take some roses, a peace of cake and go to ask for the hand of your blond..

Love 5 stars. Between lies, egoism, appearance and misunderstanding of the human, personal, social and religious values this image keeps being the façade of all life magazines in engagement in the third world.

Beauty for women and money for men, two ironic ways to choose the partner who is supposed as said” to be ready to share your life with its good and bad”

So let me just imagine that X is the blond lady and Y is the rich man.
Both get married for the previous reasons. After some months, years or centuries.. I let you set the suitable time to imagine that X in a car accident gets burnt.
Y from his side start a new project in which he puts all his capital but unfortunately, it seems that it wasn’t well studied..All the money had gone.

I’d love to take some sugar and coffee as Algerians do when they go to visit someone in his house and in my turn take a taxi as my license driving isn’t back to me and go and see this couple.

First thing I notice, it is the small kid who opens the door. Of course, even if I am not that expressive with children I have to put my hand on his hair, smile and ask him to kiss his aunt (me).
Curiously, he tells me: aunty, mummy is crying in the room, and pappy smokes a lot and shouts all the time.
In such a case, I’d just think of the poor children, victims of an irresponsible decision.
A decision built on virtual reasons that people never think how easy is it to loose them.
Beauty never lasts, money comes and goes so what lasts?
Behavior, challenges, sex, admiration, love?
None of them, actually.
It’s all about conviction and acceptance of the other as a person.
A person who isn’t perfect, perfection is for God.
A person who got a lot to give through her feelings, her mind, her life style, her pure things that build the personality.

I am quit convinced that my blogs aren’t going to change people’s minds in this piece of brown land where I live but I’m sure that what destroys others happiness I will keep writing about it with all the force I got inside of my heart.

Till my fourth post of “how much do you love me?” I wish that you go on your love all the right way..
Thank you for reading.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

How much do you love me? (2)

I am back to spend a couple of hours in front of my laptop.
It’s quit weird that I am not posting since I spent a full a week which gave me many ideas to talk about..
May be the promise of not debating any subject is being respected…
I guess that for the ones who are used to read my articles it will be easy to guess that I watched again a new story concerning the gulf countries in which I was again astonished at the end of the movie..

I have a hug desire to ask the actress playing to main role about her feelings after representing in this last episode the nice, cute, educated, and good girl who “as always” gets married..
In the weeding night, her very simple and uneducated husband accuses her of not being virgin..
Actually, science is not the favorite subject of many people and I don’t know if it’s because exams at that time were so hard that all guys run away from the course..

Anyhow, the same night, he takes her to the hospital where the doctor confirms that she was virgin.

After this event, she refuses to forgive him for destroying the best days of her whole life and asks for divorce.. a great decision according to my point of view because living at two is based on trust and when this one is lost then nor customs, neither kids can make two people live together..

Few months ago, her aunt who deeply loves her asks for her hand for her son.
Her parents ask her to accept and so she does.
Unfortunately, she meets again the same problem.. doubts..
The second husband didn’t want to believe that she was really virgin and kept insisting that her first husband reached the divorce with her because she had a “dirty” past with another man..

Because she was pregnant, she tried to calm the situation and live it as it was even her father wanted her to leave him..
I think that nothing replaces the true love which makes you accept your partner as he is, for the one he is.
After giving birth to her daughter, she divorced for a second time and her hurt heart didn’t allow her to forgive him when he came back asking her to restart from zero as he understood he was wrong.
This story and billion of others are true. In the Arabic society it is really common to meet such a behavior.
For this reason, the certificate of virginity is today obligatory when you get married, something that –for me- destroys the beauty of the engagement at its beginning.

Writing these words there is something that makes me smile because of the mediocrity of these men.
If the same one marries a European one then he won’t ask her to be virgin.
And if he marries an Arabic one and asks him if he is virgin, he won’t appreciate it.

I understood when I came back to Algeria that the third world still needs a lot to change and start to make of the human beings creatures that have to be respected, accepted or simply left without any judgment in limits of no offensive acts toward the humanity.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

A true feeling..

Feelings of the heart.
My day was long and so seems my life when I don’t get what I want.
I am back to Algeria since few weeks and I am still feeling that this trip was quit decisive, hard, and meaningful in many aspects of my life and above all of these, it was testing….

It was testing the degree of self confidence that I got… It was making me go over my limits.
Such a feeling I hardly support it and I prefer billion of times to reach Australia swimming than founding myself in such a situation.

For the coming days, I’ll for sure avoid debating about a sensitive subject as I noticed that I am changing my mind according to some personal observations which I think are opening my eyes and making of my blinded behavior a brightened one which my quit optimistic spirits judge as a new spark to change my life to the best.

I will no longer try to understand people’s behavior. It’s just too obvious that each one looks for what he wants, if not for what he needs and to be bad or good is relative to the objective which make me kind of sure that all people are good when they decide it.

One of my favorite Spanish songs says: I’m selling your memories and being new hopes.
With this sentence, I define my actual mental state. Sometimes, I feel that it’s more than a state.
It goes over all limits to make of each point of its aspects a decision that I strongly believe in.

I am not sure of all what I have chosen in my life till now, and I don’t want to be so.
However, I am quit convinced that the feeling breaking the doubts inside my heart today is going to define my way, my friends, my love, my career, my life, and my hopes….
From my hometown I thank all of you for reading.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

No sé...

No sé
Me gustaría que antes de empezar a leer este escrito ponéis la canción y leéis mientras estáis escuchando.

Después de haber publicado todos los artículos de “sentimientos del corazón” y después de haber llegado a una incapacidad de producir más, me vino una sensación de no saber nada.

Entre resultados del viaje, los últimos días de mis vacaciones, entre sentimientos de felicidad y de miedo, el estado de mi corazón ya no tiene remedio.

Hoy no sé, y de lo que no sé, solo sé que en principio debo saberlo
No sé si quiero ser gestora de restaurantes o de hoteles en general.
No sé si me gusta más el Ingles o el turco que todavía no conseguí aprenderlo.
No sé quien es mi mejor amigo/a.
No sé de qué debo hablar en el proyecto de fin de estudios.
No sé en qué país me encantaría vivir.
No sé si del pasado estoy haciendo un presente, y tampoco sé si de este presente haré mi futuro.
No sé lo que siento hoy para este turco que sigue ocupando un espacio bastante largo en mis pensamientos, en mi vida, en mi corazón.
Mi viaje ha sido una experiencia de algunas semanas en las que solo quería decirle “te quiero” .

A la ley del amor no encuentro explicaciones. Creo que esta vez la matemática ha fallado.
De esto, esta haciendo de mis largos pensamientos una enigma a la que dedico del presente y del futuro.
No sé si él y yo tendremos la posibilidad de vernos algún día.
No sé si me viene la sonrisa al escribir estas palabras acordándome de una broma que mis amigos hicieron de mí diciendo que iba a terminar mi vida casada con un libro o una página Word o si porque del mismo tema vuelvo a hablar muchas veces sin llegar a hacer los análisis

A ti, a todo lo que hemos compartido juntos, a tu timidez al verme, a las sonrisas, las lagrimas, a mis sueños y deseos hasta los más locos a tu lado, desde el otro lado del planeta, te dedico esta canción.
Sin saber….

Saturday, August 8, 2009

How much do you love me? (1)

To start this article, I would like to ask a question
What would you ask your partner for few days before getting married to him/her?
Let’s see what the probability and for sure not the mathematical one say:
If you are a woman and an occidental one, your needs can be between bringing you the most expensive ring with true diamante and being just the true love of his life.
If you are an Arabic one then it’s between the desires of getting married only, because all girls you know did, so why not you.
If you lived the end of the years 90, then you’ll ask for a house because you can’t live with his mother.
If you are a victim of the new tendencies then you want him blond with blue eyes otherwise your friends will laugh at you.
If you are an occidental guy then you just want to marry the one you love because the rest you can get anyway.
If you are a modern Arabic one then you just want to reproduce the old fascinating love stories that we are so proud of.
If you are one of those who married my friends then you just want her to cook, clean, stay home after marriage, love your mother, stop going out with her friends (boys) and above all of this a certificate of virginity is the most welcome.

For this first article, I won’t stop at any of the first points. Actually, what makes me write is the last sentence that I hear billion of times each year but for which I don’t find any explanation.

I don’t know if I got to laugh or cry for the poor miserable society that is just following imaginary rules put by people who just think of their own selfish satisfaction.

Marriage as known in our religion “Islam” is first of all: trust, love, self confidence, and share.
The Arabic guys of nowadays mostly have the total fan before engagement but once they decide to put the ring they just do their best to get what we call a pure one.

When I first heard about the improvement of the technology in medicine to give the virginity back to any girl who needs it, I was against it. I have always assumed that we are responsible of our acts and what we do, we should be convinced of it.
Now, after analyzing guys’ behavior I can assure you that I was more than happy to know that cheaters can be cheated on.
So before asking someone to prove what we can’t prove to him, I am quit convinced that we need to think twice about it.

My only regret is that my mother chose to be a nurse in a hospital and I had to be in the worst situations of my whole life each time one of my friends gets married and come to me asking for my mother’s help to get this dirty sheet of paper to prove “their love to their lovers”.

To conclude with this theme, I wish as long as I’ll live to never find myself in such a silly situation but if I face it then for sure I’d rather ask for a test of aids to both of us. At least, men and women in it are equal.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Feelings of the heart(4)

First of all, I would like to apologize for not writing during all this time.
I judged during the last period that my ideas were enough confused to be kept on a safe side.
My trip to France went from being an exciting experience to a hard one full of doses of adrenaline.

Each second of my day, I remember myself walking in the streets of the south. I was nowhere on that land and I remembered billion of things that in normal cases the critical situation in which I was wouldn’t give me any minute to think of them.

I couldn’t develop any idea for the blog and was so obsessed with one crazy thing that I succeed in doing: making a long trip from the south to the north to reach Paris and be finally in peace.

When I first travelled, I was having many objectives totally different from what my school mates were looking for .

By going to France, I lost from one side my chances to go to Turkey this year. I couldn’t be training in a hotel as I wished, but from another side, I was planning to get this European experience and to think while I am alone of my coming projects. To these thoughts I didn’t hesitate to add some other things that I truly hoped to fix.

In the series of articles published in Spanish “feelings of the heart”, I felt while writing them that my sensitivity reached its top and I could express it in different ways.
Few time after, incredibly I kept a document of word opened for long hours without being able to post a single word in it.
So I don’t know if the absence of my boss today is refreshing my ideas or if getting confused for a long period has given birth to a small spark of creation in my mind.

There for, I am back to talk about marriage in the third world.
As always, I start by telling you a fascinating story of Friday evening that I am used to watch.
The title of the last episode was: “honey days”.
It is a story of a young modern girl living in the golf countries who accepts to marry someone without knowing well the conditions of life with him.
The guy was living in a big house with his parents, for this reason he didn’t buy another one for him and decided to take her to live with his family.

The first day after her weeding, things started to be strange.
His two daughters enter her room without her permission, they also mind when she wears jeans and they even force her to cook and clean daily.
She was also obliged to put her scarf even when she was home, and couldn’t go out without the permission of the family in law even if the husband allows her.

The situation reached its top when they asked her to eat alone in the kitchen sat on the floor, just because the father of her husband prefers to eat with his wife and kids without any stranger.

This smart girl could solve the situation. She went out after asking for the permission of her husband to visit her aunt.
Once back the father of her husband was waiting for her to blame her as she went out.
She explained him that she has already talked to her husband and he accepted. This one , too afraid of his dad, denied.
The father warned her that if she goes out again then he will make his son put an end to this marriage.
With a large smile, she opened the door and left again.

In the third world marriage really makes people afraid. When everything depends on these three letters “Y/E/S”, it comes to be quit hard to pronounce them.
My fairs, just like the fairs of many people are the same: regrets, unhappiness, bad behavior, servitude, an above all “the wrong choice”.
The tradition, the life style, the society and many other things just make people explain everything in many ways that are partly false because they relate them to destiny.

Yes, Destiny. This word that makes everyone’s life goes the way it does with a small remark that people ignore: making the best of us to reach our objectives.

Till I understand this society, my articles will be my unique and daily way to get to know more about the feelings of our hearts.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

A sexual obsession.

From France, I am writing you dearest all, these words to let you know what I do and what I think about whenever I get access to the net.
Actually, I can’t come to it as I used to do but for sure, I won’t stop writing for long periods.
The 12 of July 2009
My Mexican friend: Sonia let me use her computer to be able to check my emails and say “hi” to my friends who were online.
Even thought, I wasn’t having too much time for that, I decided to check the blog of one of my friends because it was being long time since I last read it.

His articles are really interesting and many people follow his writings.
I could remember that few days before leaving, we talked about writing a blog article concerning the last spectacular event that happened to me in Algeria when they robbed me.
As I was the person affected by that, I wrote first about it, and I expected him to write something as well.

My expectation wasn’t wrong. Through his words, he expressed the cultural chock that we lived that day with a gendarme.
For those who didn’t read the article concerning this story, I remind you the protagonist idea:
After loosing my things, in the constabulary, I was waiting with my friend who –to bring me up- put his arm on my shoulder. This innocent act nearly cost us a wonderful new unexpected problem.
I know that my introduction was quit long because the main idea that I want to go to is: the sexual obsession.
With these two words, my friend described the guy who was fighting with us that day.
Of course, with the same words, as an Algerian woman living in the third world (even if I am not in it right now) I describe most of the acts of an important number of Algerian men.

Sex, even if it is not accepted as so, has always been a part of our lives.
It is not a simple desire only, even if this one is an important part of it.
It is not love but it can be a feeling related to it.
It is not a crime, because it is a human need that feels every single person with no distinction.
It is not everything in life, even though most of people think that a successful relationship is based on it.
Between all these ideas, what is sure is that sex is still taboo. I don’t doubt that it is so in all the places in the world as it is considered as a private, intimate thing that we don’t talk about with anyone.

In my hometown, which is an Arabic and Muslim country, this taboo has always been represented by symbols of religion which is totally false because our book “el Koran” talks about it to explain each part of it to people.

The society created for itself elements of complication that explain the coming declination:
1_ The rape.
2_ The problems of adaptation between men and women.
3_The sexual obsession: that explains the behavior of the gendarme that day.
In one of the classes of Spanish, we debated about the sexual education in schools and I was against it.
My point of view was argued by some elements based on the sexual obsession of some educators.
There for, I have always encouraged the sexual education given by doctors and people with high levels of education in this matter to avoid creating a new problem by trying to solve another.

In the Algerian society, the sexual obsession is due to the fact that most people never talk about sex, and never try to understand or to express their feelings, questions, doubts, and desires concerning it.

This is the reason that made most of them think of sex whenever they see any act of tenderness even if it is logically impossible to be accepted as so, just like what happened to me with my friend.

Many friends of mine think that the last course concerning the sexual education succeeded in making of me a mad girl. I don’t think so because that was my character hidden behind my shyness.
Being educated has been the best choice that I have never done, and for sure I’ll continue in this way.
I know that I can’t change the third world and that’s far from being my objective but I’m deeply convinced that I can give to the world many things with my heart, reasons for which I won’t give up.

Sentimientos del corazón (4)

El miercoles 15 de julio de 2009
A las 7:15 pm en país acababa aquí de tomar el TGV para ir a Paris.
Dejé la práctica que me estaba dando los peores sentimientos del mundo.
Me acuerdo de que al llegar el 3 de julio a Marsella estaba muy contenta. Tenía una gana enorme de quedarme aquí y poder por fin “ser yo” como lo quiero, sin que haya gente para juzgarme o decirme lo que debo o lo que no debo hacer.

Me acuerdo también de una frase que dije este mismo día: “me costará mucho volver a mi país después de dos meses tan preciosos aquí.”

Esta frase, hoy la lamento muchísimo porque no pude ni adaptarme, ni sentirme bien.
Pero lo que estoy haciendo es tomar esto como si fuera una experiencia de la que aprendí muchísimas cosas aunque fue corta.
Aprendí sobre mí y sobre la gente a mí alrededor.

Como lo estaba esperando en Argel, fui a un lugar donde no había nada excepto los arboles, las montañas y una ciudad a 20 km hacia abajo que no pude ver.

Conocí formas de vida más o menos graciosas como las playas a toples, aunque me hubiera gustado ver las nudistas :D

Conocí también a dos chicas mexicanas totalmente locas y muy simpáticas que no voy a olvidar, sobre todo cuando se emborrachan con la cerveza.

Ellas y yo nos hicimos amigas porque a los franceses no les gustaba tanto quedarse con nosotros.

Conocí gente muy simpática que venia con los niños para pasar algunos días de vacaciones. Estos dos gemelos eran mis favoritos.

Viví formas de racismo por el ser árabe y es una de las razones que hizo que tomé este billete para irme a Paris.
Por el placer de un amigo mío que me invitó una vez a tomar pescado en su casa y que no quise probar porque estaba hecho con vino, me hicieron comer un plato con vino y esto me sacó de quicio.

Aprendí también a tomar mis decisiones sola y a ir hasta el fin de la situación que decido vivir.
De lo más tenue que vi, la ayuda de la gente argelina allí fue lo que más me gustó.
Nunca olvidaré esta familia que conocí en Villanueva y que estaba preparada para ayudarme.

Aprendí a tomar el tren sola (es gracioso pero en estas cosas soy torpe)
Y sobre todo entendí que estaba hecha para la gestión, ni para servir, ni para limpiar, y tampoco para arreglar habitaciones.

En pocos días, encontré los problemas del restaurante donde trabajé y estoy muy orgullosa.
Lo que me deja contenta es saber que tengo mas conocimiento que muchísimas personas pasándolo de listas.

Las fiestas aquí no tienen un buen gusto como las que celebro con mis amigos y la verdad es que no echo de menos el país, ni la gente sino las personas más queridas que dejé allí.

La primera es la que su falta me hizo llorar durante mucho tiempo hasta que no pueda sentir mi corazón: mi madre.

Ahora estoy tomando este viaje como vacaciones aunque me habria gustado poder hacer esto en Estambul pero bueno, de todas formas Paris es la ciudad que todo el mundo desea visitar.

Lo que más me sorprendió era mi capacidad de reconocer los árabes aunque intentaron esconderlo.
De vuelta a mi país dentro de pocas semanas, pasaré más tiempo y haré más actividades con mi madre.
Intentaré aprender más sobre los niños y abrirme al mundo guardando mis formas de ser.
(al escribir esto, me viene una sonrisa porque el chico sentado a mi frente en el TGV es Kabil y lo sabia)
Hoy soy feliz, me siento bien. Tengo ganas de volver a hacer esfuerzos para estudiar y tener éxito en la vida y sobre todo hacer que mi madre y yo juntas hasta el ultimo día de mi vida tengamos todo lo que deseamos.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Qué opinas?

Este texto lo escribo en la sala de recepción del hotel en el que paso mi último día en el sur de Francia.
Hoy me voy a Paris.
Aquí entre montañas, árboles, y poca gente que es la misma cada día, no me ocurre mucho sobre los temas de actualidad.

Pensando en esto, me acuerdo de algo que puede representar una parte más o menos importante en el mundo musulmán.

La educación sexual.
Para empezar, quiero contaros cómo llegué a este tema.
Todo empezó pocos meses antes de mi viaje, durante un debate en mi clase de español, la profesora me pidió que diera mi opinión a favor u en contra a la educación sexual en las escuelas.

Mi respuesta que era muy bien estudiada decía: no a eso en las escuelas.
En este momento, mucha gente pensó que estaba opinando con el pensamiento de una persona cerrada, algo que era totalmente falso.

Aquí en Europa, o por lo menos de lo que conozco de Francia y de los pocos amigos Españoles que conozco, la gente educa desde una edad muy joven a sus niños en lo que se refiere a esto.

El conocimiento se divide en muchos aspectos, de lo biológico a lo psicológico.
Todo esto necesita unos educadores que saben lo que están haciendo para poder transmitir la información de la manera adecuada.

En mi país, no existen cursos de educación sexual en las escuelas y por lo poco que reciben los alumnos, no tengo la confianza total de que esto sea importante, claro, justo y sobre todo benéfico.

Los profesores no tienen los requisitos para poder argumentar de una forma objetiva sobre cada punto de la educación.
Desde mi punto de vista, los más calificados son los médicos y psicólogos y esta razón justifica mi rechazo de poner clases de sexo en las escuelas.
Diciéndolo de otra forma, lo mejor seria dar las clases en centros especializados en esto, con gente que sabe lo que esta diciendo, y además de esto que lo dice sin vergüenza o complejos.

No dudo de que hablar del sexo sea muy benéfico para evitar que pase lo que pasa ahora en mi mundo.
El tema es tabú en mi país, la gente que habla de esto esta siempre mal vista por un lado.
Por el otro lado, el sexo se devuelve como una obsesión para la gente, porque no lo entiende.
Argumentar esto lo hago contándoos lo que me pasó con un amigo Español que fue conmigo a la gendarmería para denunciar un robo.

Este amigo, para compartir mi dolor, puso su mano sobre mi hombro. De este gesto mal interpretado por los complejos, deseos, obsesión, y conocimiento vacio sobre el tema del sexo, casi me encontré en la cárcel con mi amigo.
La falta de educación también puede llevar a todos tipos de delincuencia y crímenes.
Ejemplos de esto son: el violo, el abuso sexual, la pedofilia, la prostitución, … etc.

En la vida todo se aprende y todo se controla. Todo tiene normas cuando queremos ponerlas excepto el conocimiento.
No lo condiciona nada, ni religión, ni nacionalidad, ni edad, tampoco lo condiciona el sexo.
Así que lo más adecuado seria educarnos, y educar nuestro niños y toda la gente que tenemos a nuestro alrededor para poder evitar los malentendidos y poder vivir en un espíritu sano.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

A week of two months

And I am starting my second week in France.
I feel like if I have lived for long years during these 10days.
Living in the mountain is really hard, especially for someone who has always been in the city centre in which everything is available, cheap, and satisfying.

I am meeting new people daily; tourists here stay for one or two weeks and then leave. There for, we are always in touch with new groups coming with their families, husbands, wives, and kids to spend some time in the south of France that is quit unknown for them.

The presence of my three Algerian colleagues didn’t help me to feel better. I guess it is due to the fact that we don’t know each other that much.

Most of the time, I feel that I am not concentrated in the main objective of the experience which is discovering a new culture, new way of living, and new mentalities.
Whenever I am alone, I think of the few friends that I left in Algeria. I think of my mother who is alone without me over there.
I think of my life, the normal, simple, easy, funny, happy, and full life that I was having on my land.
Many people here think that people coming from the third world, just like me, aren’t used to work in such conditions. They think that we live in caves, and don’t have any meaning of technology and knowledge.
Most of the time they are wrong, and I can hardly tolerate their judgment.
I have always been, even before going out of Algeria, a kind of person who can’t trust easily. Here, I am keeping my distance with everyone because my first days here weren’t the big joy.

The girl sharing me the room will be leaving this Sunday. In all cases, I shouldn’t be sad because I work daily from 8:30 till 14:30 and then from 18:00 till 22:00. It gives me little time to do another activity and then to finish my homework or prepare my clothes and then go to bed.

I deeply hope to get the force to survive for two months here, far from all what I am used to do and all who I am used to see.
For all people I left in Algeria I would like to say that I miss you and miss all what we used to plan together for weekends, for classes, for fun, for cooking and for many other things.
For sure, I think of all of you in each second and our meeting in the beginning of September is a moment that I am waiting for.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Sentimientos del corazón.

El viernes 10 de julio de 2009
Son las 8h30 en mi país. Aquí es una hora más que me hace siempre perder el sentido del tiempo.
Hoy no trabajo, por eso decidí arreglar mi habitación.
La chica que esta conmigo se va dentro de pocos días. Resulta que en fin, me quedaré sola en esta casita.
Ayer trabajé hasta una hora muy tarde y no pude asistir al espectáculo de mis nuevas compañeras mexicanas.

Hoy mis amigos del instituto Cervantes no tienen clase. Me habría gustado estar mañana con ellos como queda una semana para terminar .
El viernes es el único día el qué me quedo con mi madre y según mis cálculos la próxima vez que la veré será dentro de 53 días.
Viajar al extranjero representa mucho en la experiencia sentimental. El problema no esta en trabajar, estudiar o vivir allí, porque en todos los lugares del mundo hay comidas, hospitales, tiendas, oficinas, escuelas; hay también playas, montanas, lagos, animales, música, juegos….

Entre todo esto la persona sienta una comodidad pero la adaptación psicóloga es lo más importante y lo más decisivo, algo que todavía no consigo hacerlo.

Al salir de Argelia estaba contenta por poder vivir por fin mi personalidad como es, poder poner lo que me gusta sin tener que pedir a la gente llevarme de mi casa para que pueda salir con mis faldas o mis vestidos cortos.

Aquí, como lo estaba esperando nadie se preocupa del otro y esto en todos los lados.
Es verdad que en mi país la gente habla mucho para decir nada de importante pero al mismo también mi población es generosa y le gusta ayudar.

Aquí, entendí en pocos días que nadie hace nada para el otro. Si tus maletas pesan mucho pues nadie vendrá para llevártelas.
Del mismo modo, explico el comportamiento de los responsables que me dejaron tres noches sin comida y sin habitación explicándome que tenia que pedir – lo que en principio- esta escrito en el contrato.
Creo que entro en una forma de melancolía, los días pasan de una forma demasiado lenta y lamento haber echo este viaje porque me esta costando mucho sobrevivir lejos de mi madre que echo tan de menos, lejos de mis amigos que recuerdo en cada momento del día.

Sé que los comentarios que voy a recibir me explicarán que es una experiencia única y esto yo no lo dudo pero a veces, los sentimientos del corazón no se pueden controlar.

Desde este lugar desconocido, os mando a todos un beso esperando que el tiempo pase rápidamente para que pueda volver a ser de nueva “yo”.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Sentimientos del corazón

Sobre esta cama, estoy sentada observando en frente de mí la mezcla del verde y del azul.
El cielo aquí parece tan sano, tan claro, tan transparente que el gusto del agua.
Me pierdo entre esto y los sentimientos del corazón.
En la montaña más alta todavía queda algo de nieve. Es espectacular y sencillo al mismo tiempo.

Hoy es el jueves. En mi tierra, mi grupo de cocina tiene clase por la mañana. Mi madre no trabaja.
Normalmente, estoy en casa haciendo los deberes de mi clase de español para el próximo sábado.

Echo de menos algunas sensaciones. Esto es sobrevivir en la tierra de los demás.
Echo de menos ver la cara de mi mama de frente, resulta que en una foto es siempre fatal acordarse de los más queridos.
Me faltan las calles de los barrios de Argel. Me faltan los helados empalagosos que tomaba siempre con mis amigos.
Me falta el olor del café amargo de mi madre al levantarme por la mañana.

El olor de la soledad es hediondo. ¡Qué áspero es escribir sobre lo que no es a nuestro lado!
Entre los recuerdos, y los descubrimientos de otras formas de vida que por lo tanto no me sorprende mucho, intento en un silencio ardiente entrar en la profundidad punzante de lo que tengo a mi alrededor.
Me acuerdo de las últimas palabras que dije en mi clase de español explicando que quería ir de aquel país lo antes posible. Esto me hace sonreír, y no quiero volver a leer lo que estoy escribiendo porque sin ninguna duda encontraré muchos párrafos en los que digo: “echo de menos lo que dejé allí.”

La vida aquí es muy extraña; el tiempo es blando por la mañana y duro por la noche, es luminoso cuando estas ocupado y oscuro cuando estas mirando los demás en un hueco que te hacen los arboles o a veces las piedras al sentarte fuera por las tardes.

Los sentimientos son entre crujientes por la experiencia y rancios por la diferencia. Y entre el uno y el otro, sientes que tu vida es como una cortina de una ventana polvorienta que no has abierto desde hace mucho tiempo.
Para suavizar mis faltas tan espesas, decidí poner en un papel un calendario de los días que me quedan fuera, fuera de mi mundo, de mi casa, de mis amigos, de todo lo que había dejado con lo bueno y lo malo.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Playa, sol y un poco más..

Lo que voy a contaros hoy me costó mucho formular mis frases para poder explicarlo.
El miércoles 24 de junio de 2009 entendí que mis años de estudios de lógica no valen la pena.

Y hoy también, y por primera vez anduve por la calle sin ningún papel diciendo que yo: Zahra, 21 años, estudiante de hotelería (y tenéis derecho de no creerlo) sea argelina.

Escena de lo que me pasó:

11 de la mañana, me encontré con José. Habíamos quedado para ir a la playa juntos.
El tiempo era bastante bueno para poder pasarlo bien allí.

Fuimos a Cherchel para dar un paseo y luego a Tipaza para ir a la playa.
Hasta allí, todo estaba bien y estábamos disfrutando del tiempo.
Y es por la tarde en un momentito- y suavizar no es una exageración- que me encontré sin bolso dentro del que había puesto todos mis papeles, mi cámara, mis tarjeras, mi dinero, y hasta mi ropa con la que tenia que volver a mi casita.

Lo más gracioso es que tuve que poner algo que me dio una mujer allí en la playa, aunque no era necesario.

Para declarar el robo, en el edificio de la gendarmería la amabilidad allí estaba en grandes cuantidades.
El mal entendido cultural, tema de mis clases de español me esperaba en práctica con unos tontos que hacen de este país un lugar del que quiero ir lo antes posible.

De vuelta a mi casa, discutí con mi madre y acabé el día con boca cerrada que creo no se va a abrir durante mucho tiempo.

Hoy, no sé lo que siento, no sé de quien es la culpa. Pero esta claro que mi odio a esta gente que hasta el día en el que perdí todos mis papeles llevaba la misma nacionalidad que yo.

Ahora, estoy andando por las calles de Argel sin papeles, sin este celular en el que había puesto todas las fechas que me recordaban algo precioso, sin cámara, sin el lápiz de labios más favorito que tenia, sin ninguna esperanza para volver a mi ex novio, y sobre todo sin esta confianza que tenia en mis capacidades de ser lista.

Con mi espíritu de persona que cree en Dios, a este ladrón quiero decirle que mis papeles volveré a tenerlos otra vez, tanto como un nuevo celular para poder poner nuevas fechas, nuevos números con los que deseo profundamente olvidar lo que me pasó esta semana, pero él nunca cambiará y con lo que me robó solo se añadió más escaleras para subir lo más fácil posible el edifico del infierno.

Una semana con un sentido muy justo de lo que debe hacer una persona como yo que quería tanto – empezar de nuevo-

No sé si vivir en este país supone pasarlo siempre intentando entender unas locuras que ya he estado analizando desde hace mucho tiempo pero bueno, de todas formas, el por qué de las cosas en Argelia, una tierra que lo tiene todo y que con su sistema no tiene nada solo hay que dejar el tiempo borrar las cosas que ya me pasó el st Juan para poder quemarlas.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

sentimientos del corazón (1)

El día de los padres.

El 22 de junio de 2009
Esta fecha no representa nada en mi existencia diaria. Por lo menos, esto es lo que me pongo dentro de mi mente.
Fue mi amigo Argentino Rubén desde el otro lado del planeta que me lo recordó.
El 22 de junio en muchos países del mundo, se celebra el día del padre.
Un día frente al qué me quedo con sentimientos de indiferencia total que se notan más cada año.

Aunque mucha gente esta convencida de que parezca a mi mamá, yo sigo pensando que estoy una copia mejorada del carácter de mi padre.
Mi papa es arquitecto. Es un hombre bastante extraño que me parece mucho en su manera de ignorar el mundo y de hacer lo que le gusta sin ninguna preocupación.
Pocos son los días que pasé con él, y lo que digo no es exageración.
Él y yo no vivimos juntos desde que tenía 3 años, y ahora hace años que no lo veo, pero tengo la convicción de que de él llevo en mi cuerpo mucho más que unas células de ADN.

Mi carácter de una persona muy cariñosa, aunque lo escondo con un aspecto de futura gestora bastante seria, hace que me gusta cuidar mucho a las personas cercanías de mi.
Este cuidado, no lo muestro con besos o abrazos, en esto yo soy más teórica.
Por ello, preferí regalar una cosita a uno de mis amigos que tiene exactamente 4 meses menos que mi papa.

Creo que en esta vida nada se queda para siempre. Todo es como los productos conservados, y tiene fecha de caducidad.
La falta que sentía antes de perder a mi padre se fue y ya puedo vivir feliz con el mundo que construí.
Lo estoy tomando todo por experiencias de las que hay que sacar mucho para poder analizar, entender, y estructuras de la mejor forma lo que vendrá luego.

No sé si tendré una familia algún día. Esto solo lo sabe Dios, en mi religión. Pero estoy segura de que si la tengo, sin dudas el día 22 de junio, será un momento que compartirán mis niños con su padre.
Espero que todos los padres sean felices en este día y para siempre.
A mi papa, le deseo lo mejor de esta vida donde esta. Y espero sinceramente que los hijos que tendrá podrán quererle y hacer del él un padre, y luego un abuelo feliz.
Para terminar, espero que este día de cada año sea un momento en el qué mi papa se acordará dentro de él de esta persona que hizo de él “un padre” siendo su hija.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Fuera de este país, lo antes posible

Todavía estamos esperando el visado, mientras la vida sigue con sus asuntos, sus eventos, y para mi, con sus mal entendidos hasta los mas terribles.
Por fin, uno de los perfiles del facebook que publicó fotos íntimas de unas compañeras fue cerrado.
Lo que me molestó más que las fotos puestas de las que no vi más de cuatro era que algunos amigos que pensé que son bastante listos y educados para no apuntarse en este tipo de perfiles, allí estaban.

No sé lo que pasó pero de todas formas, me alegro por saberlo, y no me da ningún asusto volver a señalar estos tipos de gente que además de mal educada, no tiene la capacidad de atacar a los demás con frases correctamente escritas según la gramática francesa.

Ayer nuestro equipo de futbol ganó un partido, una victoria que hizo de mi día una calamidad total.
Salí de mi casa temprano para ver mi mama en su trabajo, y luego tenia en principio clase de español en el instituto Cervantes.
Mi madre me pidió volver a casa porque sabía que a los argelinos les encanta hacer la fiesta por las calles.
Pero como una tonta, ignorante preferí bajar, esta semana es la última con el español.
Lo que voy a decir, sin dudas, sorprenderá todo argelino que vive en la capital.
En 21 años, he sido dos veces fuera de Argelia y paso el resto de mi tiempo aquí en Argel.
Y bueno, nunca en mi vida he visto una celebración de victoria por las calles en directo.
Suelo ver esto por la televisión cuando tengo algunos segunditos para gastarlos.
Me costo muchísimo poder llegar, porque no había taxis y las calles estaban cerradas.
En la biblioteca, y por casualidad, me encontré con mi amigo José. Como hacia mucho tiempo que no lo vi, preferí faltar unos minutitos de mi clase para quedarme con él.
Luego volví para estudiar y la sorpresa fue al salir del instituto.
Me encontré sola por la calle que ya estaba llena de gente totalmente perdiendo el sentido de la reflexión, unos estaban borrachos, otros heridos por culpa de los juegos peligrosos.
Mi compañero Amine llamó a otro compañero para que suba conmigo.
Teníamos que andar muchísimo. Lo más gracioso era la cara que puso este chico al ver mi silencio y mi sorpresa.
La verdad es que estaba allí, boca abierta.
En eventos como esto, me viene la gana de volver a hablar de la mentalidad argelina, árabe, y a veces, musulmana.

Dudo que esta forma sea la mejor para mostrar que quieres mucho a tu país.
Me pregunto: ¿por qué en los años del terrorismo ninguno de estos salió para proteger a la gente, cuando estábamos pasando días y noches en una especie de miedo enorme?
No sé como piensan los argelinos, aunque a veces me gustaría poder tomar un visado para entrar en la cabeza de uno de ellos y entender lo que hacen las pocas células grises que tiene.
Uno de los grupos en los que me apunté, se llama “fuera de este país, lo antes posible” creado por mi amigo Rafa. Y diciéndoos la verdad, por primera vez, siento que de este país debo salir para poder mantener mi corazón latiendo un poquitín más.
Por lo menos, hasta llegar a tener mi restaurante.
No sé si encontraré algún día el por qué de las cosas que pasan en este país.
Y esto me saca de quicio porque hace de mi existencia aquí, un rollo total que no puedo manejar.
Espero que mi modo de ver las cosas me lleve a algo diferente de lo que vivo hoy, por lo menos no pasaré nunca de mi vida una tarde gritando por la calle porque mi equipo ganó – y lo siento por la diminución que no es forma de suavizar mi frase- un partidito de fútbol en el que se juega como si fuera balón a mano.

Parece que mis días empiezan a llenarse de eventos que dan mas razones para abrir una página Word y expresar lo que un callado como yo no encuentra lenguaje verbal para expresarlo.

Os agradezco le lectura, el interés y a las correcciones
Phil te agradezco la traducción español_ ingles que haces para entenderme.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

A human right...

I have asked for the visa few days ago.
Just like my colleges, I am waiting, but waiting is not something that we do the same way.
If my colleges don’t go, they will for sure be disappointed.
For me, going is a reason to be alone in a deserted place and think.
But staying will allow me to travel to a city that makes me dream since long time.
Before the summer arrived, I thought it was going to be my opportunity this time to be there and finally understand what I called in Spanish “el por qué de las cosas”.

I feel that my blog is going be similar to my friend’s blog where he talks about Algeria.
I am meeting facts that make me want to write about them.
I don’t know what is wrong with this country. I still can’t understand if people were born as stupid as that, only in the place where I live or if they are the same all over the 2 381 741km² of this land.
I don’t want to express my anger in any of my blog articles because it isn’t my main objective when I write.

The last event that happened in my school left me totally astonished.
While I was on my face book, a college asked me if I saw the last published pictures.
The question was quit weird, and after asking for more explanations, I could understand what he was talking about.
A group of students stole a personal computer of some girls who are staying in the school and then they published all the personal pictures –and I really mean the word “personal”- on the net.
Most of people just judged that they deserve it and they are wrong.
Thinking logically about things, everyone is free to do whatever he wants, as long as “in the muslim religion” no one will face God with someone else.
I mean that God will reward and punish everyone alone, so no one can give his opinion about the other.
I am not looking for the reasons that made them take such photos but I can assure that the one publishing them doesn’t know that if we discover him/her, the price will be quit expensive.
As I said in previous articles, the population here doesn’t understand the religion practiced and for sure, no one understands the human rights to keep his life private.
I won’t talk about values or morals concerning this event. In the Algerian society, everyone is free to do whatever he wants. However, respect to others is necessary to curry one sharing this land.

Firstly, I was up set when the school has chosen me to travel, because I was planning for other things.
Today, my opinion is totally different. I really wish to be abroad, at least to give my head holidays from thinking in this third world that I am sticking with.
The problem of Algeria specifically and the Arabian world in general is its judgment.
I am totally convinced that if before any word we pronounce we think twice, things will surely change.
Writing these words made me awfully sorry, because we are trying to reach a point that is extremely far comparing to our capacities.
So before giving any opinion about anyone’s life, lets first see what we are doing.
Understanding, analyzing and above all of these elements, keeping in mind that we are living the century of the humanity in its pure meanings and even in times of our prophet, tolerance was a rule.

Today, I am convinced that the arabo-muslims will never understand their religion and will never be able to reach any kind of spiritual happiness, if they keep acting this way.

For these girls, I wish that a quick solution will be found.
For the ones committing this crime, I wish that legal actions will be taken against them.
And for my society, I got sincerely no wishes. I know that there is no force on the world to change it.
But I am , for sure, convinced that the probability will not find any equation to make me behave, think, or live like it.

Thank you for reading.

¿Qué estamos haciendo con los animales?

Escribir algo sobre el tema de los animales me pareció muy extraño cuando la profesora me lo pidió
De forma general, los animales no me gustan. Diciéndoos la verdad, la mayoría del tiempo solo siento que son creaturas que me provocan una sensación de obscuridad y de indiferencia.

El ser humano ha siempre sido la creatura más importante. Satisfacer sus necesidades y sus deseos hasta los más increíbles suele ser el objetivo esencial aunque esto a veces puede causar daño a las otras creaturas.
Frente al humano, el animal es un ser débil, “inferior”.
En lo que se refiere al uso de los animales, yo creo que es algo que no podemos evitar.
En este contexto, el uso puede tener muchos aspectos.

Para empezar, el animal nos puede dar algunas cosas sin que este tenga influencia negativa. En este punto me refiero a la satisfacción de las necesidades de comida del ser humano
Ejemplos de esto son: la leche de la vaca, los huevos de la gallina.

En segundo lugar, podemos usar el animal como medio de transporte o para cumplir algunas actividades que necesitan fuerza física, que va más delante de la que tiene el hombre
En este punto estoy hablando del uso del borro para llevar un equipaje, de un camello para transportar las personas de un lugar hacia otro.
En tercer lugar, me gustaría que nos fijemos en otro tipo de uso que puede afectar a los animales pero que representa una parte de la vida cotidiana del ser humano.
Ejemplos de esto son: degollar una oveja para comer su carne, usar la piel para confeccionar ropa y protegerse.
En casos así, daño esta causado al animal pero no se hace con exageración porque siempre se suele poner un límite para evitar un afecto a la existencia de los especies.
El ultimo uso y es lo más peligroso, se define como un mal tratamiento a los animales.
Este acto se divide en diferentes partes según la atención y el carácter de la persona que ejerce de una manera directa o indirecta el acto de violencia.
Esto se debe a una envía de demostrar el poder, y a veces esta relacionado con otras formas de violencia y crueldad que existen en la familia.

Argumentar en temas como este resulta complicado, porque por un lado,parece que el desarrollo de la tecnología hace perder a la gente todo sentido de responsabilidad y moderación en lo que se refiere al consumo de lo que ofrece la naturaleza.
Por otro lado, las compañas de sensibilización están intentando cambiar las cosas.
Ahora se crean más organizaciones para proteger todos tipos de especies.
Creo que los humanos, aunque tomaron mucho tiempo para hacerlo, terminaron dándose cuenta de que lo que existe en el mundo no se puede conseguir y destruir con el dinero porque forma parte de nuestra existencia y a veces romper la cadena de los demás significa poner más probabilidades en que la nuestra tenga el mismo destino.
Hoy, no creo que odie los animales. Solo sé que con toda la fragilidad que tengo, me encantaría protegerlos.
Para concluir, me parece que el ser humano siempre tendrá la fuerza del cerebro pero la naturaleza tendrá el resto y hacer de ella una debilidad significa poder usar su fuerza en nuestro favor.


It is known that people around the world give always more than a name to the places that they deeply love. And I don’t doubt that this wonderful city called “Candle” or Bejaia has always been since long years a very admired region.
It keeps attracting million of tourists, and it is not simply for its beaches.
For all these who have been before to Bejaia, the beauty talks for itself between the mountains, the monuments, the nature, and the traditions of its population.
I remember my first trip to it. I was so young, and discovering a new place was making me extremely excited.
I reached it by car. It was totally great to discover the virginity of its roads.
The trees, the sun, the birds, the silence and above all of these, the sounds of this candle when it is shining ,just giving the necessary dose of light to relax your looks while the car is going and your heart of a big lover of this city is getting closer to it.
For sure, nowhere in the world you would find such high roads that you take from a peak to another one, to discover the mystery of each corner of it.
What a deep of a feeling gets inside you when you are in front of the cap of “Cabron” just admiring the virginity of the nature that touch the deepest nerve of love in your spirit by the green color of its water.
I enjoy the lights of the city during the night; I enjoy closing my eyes in Gouraya and let the fresh air rub my hair.
Have you ever seen the splendid views from the road of “Corniche”?
That’s what I would advice you to try. Such a luxury landscape offered for free can’t be other than the language of you feelings.
The mosque of Ibn Badis is more than a religious construction.
It is a curious place to discover, enough attractive with its gardens and the revealed side that involves.
Sometimes, when I am describing Bejaia, I feel that I am talking about a big country and not a region of Algeria. It is so rich with what it offers that getting lost with its beauty is quit easy.
Bejaia is also famous for its culture, for the life style of its population, for its food and its hospitality.
Is there anyone who has never stopped to look at the beauty of the Bejaoui ladies with their traditional dresses in which the colors take another cube of lights and interpret the joyful of its people?
I guess that each one of you has parked his car while going to Bejaia to buy one of these wonderful dresses and with it, he couldn’t resist to that desire of buying one of the jars, or some of her fruits that men cultivate with the biggest care.
In this Berber city, I enjoy visiting the old houses, in which tasting the traditional meals is a pure moment of pleasure.
From the Ameqful well decorated with vegetables and meat to the Douara passing by the Tchicha soup and the omelet I don’t know what to choose when all these delicious preparations are in front of me.
I don’t know if my words were enough to describe a real beauty that for sure you will not regret visiting and discovering but I do believe that the image given talks for itself.
Including the Spanish, the Turkish and the French styles according to the époques, Bejaia with all its touristic potentialities has the doors big open to all her visitors.
The summer is here, so time for you to take your car or your plane and give yourself some days of pure relaxation in such an exotic city.

Finally, I’d love to end with this poetry written for Bejaia:
“There is a place in you,
Where man dreams alone,
He never gets old,
He never dies,
And it is in your forests, in your beaches, inside you: Bejaia.”

Monday, June 15, 2009

Un deseo sexual.

Ya sé que hay gente que empezará a reír antes de leer las primeras palabras del texto.
Sé que otra pensará que escritos así son la culpa del último curso de educación sexual que hice, hace ya más de dos semanas.

Y yo como siempre para evitar los comentarios del uno y el otro, cambio de idioma para que solo poca gente lo entienda. (Esto lo digo por broma)
Esta idea me vino después de haber visto una película el último día de mis exámenes, que me dejó boca abierta.

En la historia, una mujer del país del golfo se caso por la religión islámica con alguien.
En la sociedad musulmana, la boda religiosa se suele hacer mucho tiempo antes de que los novios vivan juntos, o diciéndolo de una forma más tradicional: antes de que la sociedad los reconoce como “hombre” y “mujer” casados.

La película empezó así: durante una tarde del verano, mientras la mujer estaba sola en la casa porque sus dos hermanos se fueron para trabajar, el novio vino para visitarlos.
Ella llamó a su tía para pedirle si pueda abrirle la puerta, y la respuesta de la tía fue positiva.
De esta forma, empezaron a verse cada vez que los hermanos se fueron al trabajo, porque los dos no se conocían antes, algo que pasa siempre en los matrimonios musulmanes en los que el uno nunca ve a la pareja hasta el día de la boda, y si pasa y que la vi antes esto significará que la madre la había elegido pero llevó a su hijo para encontrarla.

De todas formas, y desde mi punto de vista, esto no cambia nada. Ya que la pareja esta seleccionada según el gusto de gente que no compartirá nada con ella.
No quiero argumentar mucho ahora, así que sigo con las escenas de la película.
Después de conocerse, los dos – si me permito analizarlo así- tuvieron sentimientos el uno por el otro y acabaron teniendo relaciones sexuales, cosa que me parece la más normal en casos como este donde los elementos básicos ya están: 1- la boda religiosa
2- un deseo compartido.

Pero la sorpresa vino después, cuando este muchacho la dejó argumentando su acto con la frase más fea que nunca escuché en 21 años de existencia: “yo no me caso con una mujer que se da tan fácilmente”
Para resumiros el resto de los eventos, la mujer terminó matada por sus hermanos cuando decidieron que se case con otro y que este descubrió que no era virgen.
La verdad es que escribir sobre el tema del sexo no es tan fácil como lo cree la gente.
De prejuicios las personas tienen un montón.

Con mi edad joven, me permito decir que en un país árabe y musulmán al mismo tiempo, vivo la época del desarrollo tecnológico y también lo de las mentalidades abiertas.
Me acuerdo de que en las pocas veces que la palabra “sexo” salió de mi boca, mi amiga Sihem siempre estaba poniendo allí poniendo su mano sobre mis labios para que me calle.

Durante el curso de la educación sexual, tenía una gota de alegría al ver que después de una semana, los más cerrados ya estaban hablando del tema sin tabú.
Creo que los musulmanes nunca van a entender la religión que están practicando, una religión que el su libro sagrado “ el Corán” explica las practicas sexuales con detalles.

Y culturalmente nunca llegaré a entender la diferencia que encuentra la gente entre tener un deseo y guardarlo o tenerlo y explicarlo.
A mi me parece tonto pensar que la persona que lo esconde es fuerte y la que lo muestra, de puntos de debilidad tiene mucho.

El sexo como lo conozco yo, nunca representó una debilidad, y lo argumentaré haciendo una pregunta: ¿los casados que lo hacen, son débiles?
Dudo que haya gente que responderá diciéndome “si, lo son”
El sexo, como el amor, como la amistad, como millones de otros sentimientos es fuerte y hacerlo – como lo estaba explicando a mi ex novio- significa que dos personas conscientes del acto lo hacen porque quieren hacerlo, los dos juntos y la culpa “en el caso de unos musulmanes” no es la de la mujer a ella sola porque ya no he visto mujer violando hombres para que estos siempre decidan que la responsabilidad es femenina.

Hoy, entre experiencias, prejuicios, sentimientos y descubrimiento no sé a qué debo fiarme en estas tierras al hablar del sexo.

No sé si desear es un error, pero tengo la convicción de que no es una fragilidad.
Es el ser travieso con la técnica mas preciosa y sencilla en el mundo.
Y bueno, con la sonrisa que tengo ahora mismo mientras estoy escribiendo las últimas palabras de mi artículo, creo que es lo que te hace sonreír al pensar que hay alguien bore el planeta tierra que comparte contigo la belleza de esta fuerza que sigue siendo el tema más profundo y el más oscuro para los humanos.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

My trip to Zeraldah..

Dear friends,
To start with, I would like to apologize for not being able to post during all the last period because of many reasons that I won’t bother you talking about them.

As a first article, I will talk about my trip to Zeraldah, a region in Algeria where I have been training fort a week with other students concerning the association aids Algeria in the subjects of the sexual health.
The first day.
I’ve reached Zeralddah afternoon after a long tiring trip with my formal skirt and white blouse.
I felt like being alone in a desert. There was just the sea, and some houses totally empty around my room.
I guess, I have never felt that lost and that confused in my whole life.
Between the coming exams that I couldn’t prepare and the feeling I was having because of some stupid and unexpected meetings during the previous week.
I think I got many reasons to escape and stay alone in such a place just admiring the silence….

A silence that gets deeply inside your heart or soul- for these who believe in it-

Actually, being an unsociable person was quit critical for me.
As I am not used to share my room with strangers, I find it a bit hard to do it.
I was simply trying to understand the world around me.

Something strange happened to me when I first met the three girls sharing me the house.
The first question that they asked me was: “ are you dating someone?”
It was a quit embarrassing question for someone who has never dated.
But anyhow, I was having a good time staring by the third day. I wasn’t feeling bad and this was a victory for me.

8:20 pm of the third day.
What a world!
I had a full time table.
We finished the class at 7pm.
I was the first one to make the summary of the whole courses and I really enjoyed it.
But still that I was afraid. I was afraid of many things and I think that it was extremely relaxing to understand your fairs.

During these days, I could notice that I have never been with such different personalities.
It was really crazy to meet people totally opposite to me.
However, everyone has his own character, his own objective in life, his ideas, his languages, his career, his way to behave with you.

My meeting with a Palestinian guy was the fun of the course.
From the beginning, he simply kept looking at me the way I hate, of course, same I did and we couldn’t talk to each other till the last day. At that time, he realized that we could be friend, and so we are today.

I think that the sexual education was not my main objective. I have always been convinced that about these subjects I know-scientifically- billion of things, even though during the conference one of my colleges made a stupid comment when I asked the teacher of anatomy to give us another conference telling me:” the lady has a small knowledge in that matter and would like to know more things may be”
With my mediocre smile, I preferred to look at him without answering.
Many Arabic still don’t understand that life is made of experiences, that we should never say: “I’ve learnt enough”, and no matter what is offered to us, learning is a part of our thoughts.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

A message to my reader

I would like to say sorry for not being able to write during such a long period, because of some trips and studies.
I'll be back to posting starting by the 13 of June.


Sunday, May 10, 2009

A year had gone...

The 10th of may 2009
A funny day!
Being the representative of my class, it is my job to tell them about every single thing that happen concerning our studies.
Today, as always, I stood up in front of all of them waiting that the non civilized ones shut up to let me talk. Once done, I explained them the new time table and finished as always asking if someone needs more explanation or if anyone got a question.
Suddenly, one of my colleges called me pretending that he wants to ask.
Of course, my reply was obvious and asked him to go ahead
My friend: would you marry me?
Me: send your mom to talk to mine and we’ll see.
The teacher: do you want me to buy the rings for both of you? Back to studies before I send both of you out.
I know, it is quit silly but it made all of us, the 130 students, laugh.
In 5 days, I’ll have finished the D.E.L.E exam.
In 8 days, I’ll have presented my project of menus.
And in 10 days, I’ll have reached 21 years old.
My birthday is always an important day in my life. Not because I get older but because it is what allows me to compare my style life during one year.
And I think that this year I can be quit proud of myself because I made some challenges come true.

My list of challenges is still on my wall and I feel so happy for being able to mark many ones of them as done.
It is still too long but I am sure that I’ll reach one day the 90 per 100 of the needed success to live happy.
This year, I hardly believe that it is very important for me to go to Istanbul. I am sure I will do it. “With the help of God”
In my wallet, oppositely to all my friends, the only pictures there are the new ones of me with some white hair that has already started decorating the dark brown color I have.
My mother pictures are also present and they are my reason to smile.
Dearest friends, don’t expect me to have any masculine photo. This is not me!
For the coming years, I wish to succeed in my career and my studies
I wish to make my mother happy
And I wish that what I have inside my heart can finally grow with while I am doing so.
my last word is :)

Thursday, May 7, 2009


The first day of May, probably the worst month in my whole year.
Exams are waiting for me, school is making me extremely busy and I can hardly get some time to relax and have fun.
Actually, I am getting no time for that.
Holidays, I wish if I could be in holidays. I wish if I could get some time to take my passport and go somewhere else.
This is my feeling when the drop overflows the vase.
What is for the name of God the mistake that is making the whole of my system going on the bad way?
In my last exposition during the Spanish course, a student asked me how we should do to control the aggressiveness of children.
My answer started with three Spanish words that made my teacher very astonished: el por qué de las cosas, which means: the causes of things.
My friend knows well that I have published before an article in Spanish talking about that.
I think that from all the mistakes I have committed and all the experiences I have lived, the only ones that I couldn’t forget are the ones for which I couldn’t find the cause, the element managing them, the reason that made me make them and act that way.

May be I still didn’t understand the world as well as I think that I understood it.
Anyhow, my analyses are still going, and while they are doing so, I ask myself:
Is it true that the Arabic word: انسان(human being) means that we are made to forget things ?
If it is true then why can’t we forget the events that seem to be somehow marking in our existence whether in the bad or the good sense?
I am still having billion of questions that for sure I won’t be able to work out any reply for them, because doing so means that I would have understood the whole of the system of planet earth and this is the key of the happiness.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

A conversation (2)

What a day, darling !
I think that prince is luckier than me sleeping in your arms.
You became so attractive, did I tell you so?
Yes, yes, yes.. I know I did, so I should stop repeating it.
I wanted to ask you if the weather was sunny today, over there.
Actually, there is no need to reply my question. We’ll be together in the summer and it will be really sunny.
By the way, will we need to move to another city to go to the sea?
Bad idea. Lets forget about the sea then. The bridge there is more interesting.
I miss you big.
You don’t believe me! Come on, come on, come on.
Who told you that I got a new boyfriend?
Oh no, darling! That one you are talking about is my small bear that I sleep with.
(laughs) (laughs).
Oh my god! You still have the same laugh of a shy guy.
Anyhow, I know the naughty one you are.
My training is between the 13th June and the 27th July. I wish it could end before.
I forgot to tell you that I got the worst mark en English. Funny isn’t it?
Don’t blame me! I know you taught me well, but the teacher is stupid and I can’t manage it.
Lets change the topic and talk about a less depressing thing from those happening to me during my day.
I think of you every second.
I think that… I think that my mind, my heart and my feelings integrate you in each one of the actions of my day.
I find it so sweet to try to see the world, after a tiring long hard day, through your eyes.
I don’t doubt that if we were together right now, I would have found the courage for my DELE exam.
I would have met the faith making me stand up after every hard and painful step.
You make me dream while I make you smile and between the friendship and the passion, I got lost many times.
I won’t make of the present situation a big deal, just like the subject of you master degree which started by: diffusion of ..of an acid.
I don’t even remember its name. civil engineers, you are unique all over the world.
As long as I go, I wish that we keep representing for each other a nice memory, full of all the beautiful things that we shared.
For you, for me, for what used to be our common dream, I dedicate these words that I sincerely hope won’t be erased by time.
It is 9:45pm, I offer you 15min of extra sleeping tonight.
Ooppps, I forgot to remind you that I still don’t like your curtains. Change them!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

A conversation

Life seems quit strange, now that you don’t belong to it
Uf! Telling you about my daily life here isn’t something pleasing, because you simply don’t appear in any moment of it.
I wonder sometimes it the Mediterranean sea separating our two continents makes you feel how big I miss you.
So do you really feel it? ………
Well, lets forget about the question, I already know that between the streets, the museums, the churches and the mosques there around you, you can hardly get few seconds to remember my words.

However, I wonder if I should doubt that even the brightening color of the water under our favorite bridge, on the left side of the map also doesn’t give my smile any chance to enter quickly your thoughts of the day.

I hate cats; do you still have that lazy one? I really don’t hope so. I don’t hide from you that I prefer to be jealous from a human being.
Prince, prince, prince….when will we move to talk about princesses, or may be some less complicated words just like: sweets, roses……. Or may be flowers.
I really like this word, don’t you?
Oh yes, It makes you think about women.
Women, women, women, women… can anyone correct the grammar mistake in this sentence?
By the way, once the mistake corrected, don’t forget to tell me who is the woman kicking out of your life all women..

Darling, I am still the same talkative one. What about you? Do you still sleeping early.
Oh no! it can’t be!
Reasons to be happy for exist: you favorite color is still the green one?
Great, because me too, I love it.
I was walking last week in the street and I stopped at a small shop close to my house, it was selling mangos, and … oranges.
Yes, yes, yes, now you are asking me why I didn’t buy some.

Easy, I preferred to get myself some strawberries and pineapples.
Summer is a great season, I wish to eat some watermelon in it, and I wish to see some books of civil engineering.
May be I would like also to listen to someone speaking a new language that I don’t know.
I wish the 27th of july will come quickly so that I finish with school and can take the plane.
But I am afraid of the European Union. It already made hard for me to visit Spain and Greece.
Keep away from it! My dream is still Asian.

Yes, yes, yes. you feel sleepy! I told you, you didn’t change. It is 10pm. Your time to sleep
With the sweetest words on this earth, I wish you good night

Friday, April 17, 2009

Esperar y esperar..


Memorias que debo olvidar (parte 2)

La vida es una guerra:

Pensar, reflexionar, analizar, luchar, creer y sobre todo saber esperar, algo que yo todavía no sé hacerlo.

En la clase de español, suelo empezar mis frases con una de las palabras que más expresan duda: “Yo creo...”

En el último correo que mi amigo David me envió, intentó explicarme que con el primer amor no guardamos el sentimiento eternal de haber conocido a la persona que más queremos sobre el planeta sino guardamos la sensación que provoca la primera experiencia.

De vez en cuando, tomo un ratito de mi tiempo libre para pensar.

El por qué de las cosas, algo que sigue volviéndome loca sin encontrar las respuestas a unas preguntas muy sencillas que no tienen nada que ver con la adivinanza de Einstein que ya solucioné hace mucho tiempo.

A veces, siento que odio gente pero al pensar de nuevo cuando veo unos y otros, no tengo ninguna sensación.

Siento también que hay gente que quiero muchísimo y que tendré en mi pensamiento y en mi corazón por el resto de mis días.

Este sentimiento me encanta, y me encanta con él la belleza del alma que hace que andes por la calle sonriendo mientras la gente te esta mirando como si fueras loco.

Y espero, con la poca esperanza que consigo encontrar, que lo que me dijo David fuera posible.

Introduciendo mis palabras con la misma forma; creo que el mejor ejemplo de un amor verdadero es lo de un niño a su madre y vise versa.

Aunque espero sin poder esperar, que algún día pueda cambiar mi manera de ver el mundo para poder, como dice David, enamorarme de nuevo, sigo pensando que mi madre es ahora el amor de mi vida que hace que mis ojos se abren por las mañanas.

El ser humano es complicado, y yo soy humana.

Por esa razón, mi humanidad me hace pedir cosas y esperar otras, como el fin de la guerra, la tranquilidad, el éxito, el desarrollo, y sobre todo la igualdad entre las personas.

Deseando esto, siento que no puedo esperar, y me parece que el tiempo esta andando sobre huevos.

En mi mundo, los cinco minutos de la prueba oral del examen del DELE intermedio ya son demasiado largas, y lo más duro, lo que cuesta más que esperar es llenar el tiempo para no tener que esperar, y llenarlo perfectamente.

Entre mis papeles, el montón de libros que debo leer, las lenguas que deseo aprender, y el restaurante que quiero abrir, espero que la vida en su largo camino me lleve algo diferente que hará que levantarme por la mañana valga la pena.

Algo que provocará los latidos de mi corazón para que pueda dar aunque sea la mitad de lo que tengo.

Esperando este día, os agradezco la lectura.

Special thanks for Phil who is translating my articles to understand them.

Monday, April 13, 2009


13 April 2009
We are still waiting. This time we are waiting differently because we know what we are waiting for.
We are waiting for him to open his eyes.
Finally, I could get some ideas for my exposition in Spanish.
Now that I remember it, I still didn’t meet Raquel. A girl spending some days here with my friend José, who I had to take out for walks.
Life is really tiring in this country. I can hardly manage it.
In 24 hours, I argued billion of times and it was always for meaningless reasons.
Sometimes I think that being idealist in such a mediocre world is a source of worries and misunderstood situations.
The last fight that I finished my day with was about my cooking courses, in which my uncle asked me to give to a cousin all my courses.
I know that explaining you such a simple thing won’t be easy, as you’ll be asking me: where is the problem in doing so.
My answer, even though, not that convincing is really obvious.
Any one preparing a career got secrets that make the difference between his job and the one done by others.
Cooking is my love and many people think that I’ll finish married to a kitchen.
I feel sometimes that I am alive for one and only one reason: learning well everything about cooking and giving the best of the best for this industry.
On of the bases of my religion is giving every single good thing you have and share it with people.
Of course, I don’t act oppositely to it, but I don’t think that everything can be shared, or at least, there are things that you can’t share with anyone just because you give them a huge importance while the shared one is just a member of a fun group of it.
And this is the situation in which I found myself today.
As a human being, I am sure that I commit a billion of mistakes daily.
However, I am sure of one more thing, my mistakes never affect anyone‘s feelings and I am proud of it.
I guess judgment isn’t an easy thing. That’s why people study law for long years and even after that, keeps needing some help and point of views to come to a final opinion concerning a specific situation.

I don’t think that I can allow myself to judge someone, no matter who he is.
But in the other side, I can judge myself comparing to what I live with, and this is my right and my total freedom.
It is the freedom that makes me say that I am not a good Spanish speaker but I am a good hotel manager.
The same thing happens in my daily life. And with the same logic, I judge that offers of jobs aren’t suitable, food is not tasty, brown is an awful color, summer is a hard season, analyzing projects is a boring module… etc
All is question of tastes and according to my tastes I judge that “x” or “y” is a suitable thing for me or isn’t.
Life is before everything a moderate behavior that we should have toward each others and as a Muslim I do strongly believe that the only one having the right to judge people is God and except him, to judge you should have the ability to accept that others behave same way with you.