Wednesday, December 15, 2010

A word to myself

A rainy day filled my hours in the most disliked city of the world.
I decided today to get some rest. With the cold outside, I sat under my cover for the whole day.
I am planning tomorrow to have one of these long walks to take a breath.
Since couple of weeks, I am having a deep feeling of loneliness even though I am surrounded by billion people nearly all the day.
I was walking last week and looking at people passing by; and for the first time, I felt stranger.
Stranger on what I thought was my land. From this time, I took couple of decisions.
I decided to have a new friend: myself. I am sure this new one will always understand me
I decided to leave. I might not feel better, but I won’t feel worse.
I decided to fight for my values, even if they make this entire planet pissed off.
I decided also not to forgive myself for the mistakes I have committed. This is the only way to be sure that I won’t make them anymore.
The events of the second semester of 2010 are still hurting me deep inside. I find it absolutely hard to move on.
Some people suggested me to add this to my experience about life, others to put it on the count of fate and destiny. Myself, I put it on the list of what my unborn children will never face as long as I am alive beside them.
I think that my biggest lose is the ability to trust. Today, all my relationships are professional and I don’t want them to get closer than this. I don’t have this desire to be who I used to be, 6 months ago.
And I think…. I think that about human being rights and values I understood a lot.
I understood that I should help everyone, admire few ones, but trust and love no one.
I understood finally the difference between what we need and what we want.
I understood that who we love aren’t necessary those who should be loved, that love isn’t about sacrifices but about self satisfaction that is also based on satisfying those occupying a place in our hearts.
I don’t have many hopes to myself in this side, except that my loved ones: Mom, dad and few other ones will remember the best of me, if they have to remember me someday
But I sincerely wish that till that unexpected day in which my kids will come to this world, law will set new articles to save the humanity of real human beings.

1 comment:

Election 2010 said...

I never lamented about the vicissitudes of time or complained of the turns of fortune except on the occasion when I was barefooted and unable to procure slippers. But when I entered the great mosque of Kufah with a sore heart and beheld a man without feet I offered thanks to the bounty of God, consoled myself for my want of shoes and recited:

'A roast fowl is to the sight of a satiated man
Less valuable than a blade of fresh grass on the table
And to him who has no means nor power
A burnt turnip is a roasted fowl.'