Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The missing part of me

7H30 am. A lazy wake up. I was already late for work, but yet when I opened my eyes, I didn’t feel like going in a rush. I probably wanted to sit with the scenes of my last night dream.

In my dream, I had a brother and my daddy called me to remind me that I had to do something I still didn’t do. I thought for a second that it could be the sweetest thing happening to me in the middle of impurity and constant maliciousness that you can hardly prevent. Feeling the presence of someone I could truly love but more important: who would truly love me for who I am and place my happiness and good being before his ego.

I have grown differently from others. I have grown with my own vision about the world around me. I have done it with my own values, values that may not be always the right ones or the best, but values that I follow, no matter what the situation is. Probably because somehow it matters more to get the best of the smiles that our conscience make us draw on people’s faces.

I have grown weakly strong, and I knew how to balance it between the innocent smile and the determined look. Yeah! I am one of those who have to see a start in each step and to analyze, think, structure, act then assume bravely.... I have to do that alone because someday, someone who I wished could stay beside me, left and left forever.
At some extend, this is the best of all loses that I could actually imagine. Many people try to convince me that I will just move on and a better feeling will knock ma door. Honestly, it is not ma first concern as I like to remind myself about it whenever I feel like crying something superficial or stupid that happens to me.

Today, I realize that there is a missing part of me, a part that had gone, a part that I can’t replace but just deal with. However, in this deal I learnt how to reflect it positively in my relations with others and yes! I do not matter as long as those who are around will remember me with the best of the thoughts.

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