Saturday, January 30, 2010

My father, my lover and my heart

I am not sure I know what does a father love mean, and I doubt also that my small innocent heart has already lived the true feeling of a passionate love.
I have never been sure of anything. This is what the law of probability says and I am not against my logical spirit.
Between my lover and my father, my heart is still confused but I am not trying to fix its feelings anyhow.
I already know what I want and it is enough. I strongly believe that what we should look for isn’t what we need, but what we badly desire.
For these reasons, and for others, I decided to dedicate to each one an exact number of the beatings of my heart.
My father is this superb and wonderful one who brought me to this life. Many people, who knew him, think that I have his shitty character but I don’t care about their opinion. I am proud of it.
I have his curly hair( well, I can make it straight also) and I really love it. I live on my own planet, I like to build, unfortunately not houses as he did, but plans and beauties, and all of this is because I am a part of him.
However, today, he is a memory of my past.
A past that for sure, I am not planning to forget.
A past that no longer affects the strong woman I pretend I am.
A past that I remember with a big pure smile.
And it is also the past that created my present and will lead to my future.
This present I am sharing it with a great man who I deeply thank for all the beautiful feelings I discovered since I welcomed him to my life.
I am not sure whether this present will last or not but I am happy anyhow
For all the laughs, for all the care he gives me.
For all the promises he made and strongly kept.
For his wisdom, which I think is necessary to handle a life with such a crazy girl friend like me.
For his smile that makes me smile.
For his presence and his purity.
For his coming sacrifices that I will reward.
For not judging me with my hair color, my origins, my nationality, my life style and my aims in life, just like many people, who I truly loved, did.
And simply for being a part of my world.. I would like to say: thank you…

In this equation, nothing was chosen but everything was a confident decision that my mind has made.
My heart, as much as my mind, is satisfied because whenever I am alone, I am an individual who lives his choices deeply without anyone’s help or opposition, and this is according to me, the perfect balance that a human being needs to be himself.

Thank you for reading.

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