Friday, February 19, 2010


A windy day, a long and surprising one.
It is 6PM and I feel like if I have lived a century in 24hours.
Nothing is the same. It seems like if my whole life changed in a couple of days, and I recognize myself only in photos.
I am lost, definitely, I am.

I, physically, emotionally, and psychologically don’t feel good.
This is the first time, I felt like being seriously alone. I don’t want anyone to talk to me and I don’t want to fill my head with bullshits,

I hate 2010 as much as I loved 2009 which was the most beautiful year in my whole shitty existence.
2009 was a total success for me with my studies at college. I used to have busy evenings with the great atmosphere of the Spanish classes. The cooking courses of the weekend were amazing.

The concerts I attended with friends, the trips I had, the new people I met and loved and the causes I strongly defended were a source of happiness for me. Yeah! They were…
2010, by the end of its second month took everything.

We have just started studying at university. My final project isn’t going well. I am no longer taking the cooking courses since the teacher left. I cleaned my list of friends to realize I had an empty one and I finished falling in love with someone who, the geographical, cultural and financial conditions take him away from me.

I am tired. I am exhausted. This feeling is just so terrible. It is awful to know that the only solution that is left is to start all over again, all over again alone..
Today, I hate the 99,99 per 100 of what is around me. I just started to understand what does the expiry date mean?

I understand the world, in the midst of disasters. I hate my house, my room, my neighborhood, my school, my teachers, the boss of my university, the traffic jump, the busses, the inexistent metro, the Algerian airlines, the football play, the horrible weather, the morning call of my alarm clock to start another boring and disappointing day, the Algerian administrations, the empty count I have, the miles that separate me today from my loved one, and every single thing that takes daily, my smile from my lips.

I understand that not everything I believed in was true. That so many words are called empty words.
Money makes happiness, but even the happiness comes to an end.

All what a human being promises is an absolute fake and you are probably a dammed one if you believe in what your logical spirit can’t see.
I am not sure of feeling better during the coming days. I am not sure of finding the right balance to make my heart; my mind and my soul forgive me for all what I inflected to them this year with this strong weapon called over confidence.
And I am sorry.. I am sorry for discovering what the world really is.

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