On my way to find myself (2)

The 40th day of my moral pain.
In the middle of the darkness of this feeling that is lasting for quite long time, I sat with some candles around after the light was cut, trying with my fake smile to get a moment of silence to have a conversation with myself.
My life has lost completely its balances since few weeks. It’s absolutely incredible to feel this way.
But anyhow, I have learnt a lot. I truly did and once I feel better (Inchalah), I swear I will no longer involve myself in such a bad situation anymore.
My ignorance has thought me how to seek knowledge, not the one I am used to find in books and think that once I learn it, I can rule the world, but the one that I get while walking in the streets, observing the human being vice and egoism.
Luck thought me that my motivation will never be enough to get what I need.
There is always a power above mine that unfortunately doesn’t give me the choice.
I hope if the feelings of love that we hold inside us for others could change their way of affecting us.
And my two loved ones realize that their behavior is making of my existence a piece of shit on this planet.
I wish to have someday this view from the top, but what I most want is to remember myself climbing to it with honor and high values.
I wish that we can finally, respect people’s choices, leave them live their lives the way they want, and get away from them when we just don’t have any good thing to offer.