Saturday, September 18, 2010

This life of mine (1)

In front of my computer, sitting with a song, absolutely bored, and pissed off with this empty life I am having since my graduation, i remembered the Algerian proverb saying: getting attached to something is so easy but getting rid of it is something we can’t stand.
It seems that I got used to what I most hate in this life: the feeling of total conviction that I am living alone.
I decided to start a new series of articles in which I am planning to talk about my vision to my own life. I am not sure of the result of what I will come up with but anyhow, I know you will share me your feedback in all cases…
I am finally indifferent toward my moral pain that lasted for more than 2 months. Even though I am not feeling good, I am making big efforts to fake a smile in order not to annoy my so called friends and people surrounding me in this daily life.
I adopted a very strange strategy to reach this point.
I imagined the worst ends of the few good things left in my life “sorry, if my words seem too depressive, I just can’t help it” and then I convinced myself that my wishes might not come true.
I bet I was right, as things aren’t always the way you expect them to be.
I have the feeling that everything is so superficial around me, that I believed in unreal things and promises, that my life isn’t what I expected it to be, that my best friends are not really the friends I thought they were, that motivation doesn’t come by itself but it is always depending on what others inflect to you.
I have the feeling that behind my innocence people can’t see who I am. And so do I behind their vices and impurity.
With my mom nothing works these days. We are unable to have a talk and being in such a bad period all I need is ears to listen to me and arms to breathe in.
There are plenty of things that I truly miss.
I miss myself; I miss my motivation and ambition when I am in my white blouse and formal skirt in the marketing department or hygiene control.
I miss the language classes and the fun my mates you used to have with me when we play theatre.
I miss making these delicious dishes I learnt at the cooking classes and share them with my loved ones.
I miss each moment of joy of my childhood when my mind wasn’t enough smart to realize how hard life can be.
I don’t know what do the coming days hold for me and I am quite scared of the moral pain but I am convinced God knows what is best.

1 comment:

Vicky said...

Just stay with the tough time ...tough time never last tough people do...