A week had gone after my graduation. My undergraduate studies ended and the way to the master seems to be long and hard if not impossible. This is not a feeling… This is reality!
I am spending this kind of days that gives a superficial sensation of joy. I don’t like what I am in… I really do not…
I am back to this mood of silence, analyses and melancholy that the events of the year 2010 inflected to me. In the middle of nowhere, everything seems to be so close and so far at the same time.
I wish if I could describe you my sensation when I am unable to react against injustice or when I look into people’s eyes, the ones I know they wouldn’t talk to me if not for benefit or into the eyes of these that they got in their daily and casual life part of my wishes.
I look, I gaze sometimes, I smile without really smiling to convince myself that things are going to be alright… But deep inside me, I want to tell to the world that I got enough from it, that what I need is not changes but to get my spirit into a relieved situation where the human being insanity doesn’t exist in excess.
One of my closest friends described me as a person with a lack of self confidence and I don’t think he was wrong.
I just realized that the more I trust myself and give my best like a warrior, the less I get at the end, and the hardest the deceptions will be.
I have seen people around me changing, and I thought I wouldn’t change. I thought I will always be the same. I thought my convictions would face everything. I thought also that challenges were about being the best even if you don’t achieve what you really want. But in reality, I have never known myself.
I thought for long time to realize at the end, that my thoughts were all wrong, that you can’t make of this world what you want as long as it makes of you what it wants.
I realized that you have to deal with injustice if you are not enough strong to make justice.
I realized that purity is not about how appreciated you are but about how far you can go for people you appreciate.
And the biggest and, surely, most important thing I realized is that: no matter what you do during the long or short years of your life, putting yourself in victory or in shitty situations, your end and the one of these that you consider as better or worse than you, are going to be the same. The only difference would be how strong you believe that what you have done was right, true, and sincere.
I thank all of you for reading!